Gratitude List 31/08/2018
I cannot deny, just two years ago I was a million miles from praying and meditating. Speaking and listening to God was absolutely alien to me. I had no resentment towards the idea but the concept of handing over my will to a higher power was somewhat comical. I did however, become resentful when I first joined the fellowship – I joined to stop my addiction, not to listen to talk of God, higher powers and a spiritual life. Frankly, it put me off. I feared change, especially a change as dramatic as that. And as far as I was concerned, change was impossible.
Today I am extremely grateful:
– I kept coming back to meetings. If I hadn’t, I’d still be the same person. Dishonest, unwilling and closed-minded.
– for the message of hope. Once resented, given enough time it was then desired. I could see change in others. Change was possible. I was desperate for change and I would go to any lengths to do so.
– for my good friend who guided me to and took me through the Big Book. Left to my own desires, that book would not be on my shelf and I’d still be on my own.
– for step one. Without this humbling admission, I would still be living with the idea that I am the all mighty and powerful. And despite the obvious truth, I was managing my life perfectly. It was those who didn’t conform to their given roles that were to blame.
– for We Agnostics. What a life changing chapter this was for me. The words lifted from the pages and opened my locked mind. My first spiritual experience and a kick-start to my belief in my higher power who I choose to call God.
– that in the fellowship, the word God is but a name for my higher power. If my higher power was the universe, then the universe was my God. If my higher power was the fellowship, then the fellowship was my God. If my higher power was God, then God was my God. This freedom was vital for me to take that leap of faith.
– for the daily suggestions and the step work. Working the program on a daily basis continues to strengthen this new found belief. Changes are happening right in front of my eyes. Things are happening in my life that cannot be explained off as coincidence…. Miracles? Why not.
– for my God. I believe He has always been there for me. He was definitely there when I honestly seeked Him. I have faith He always will be.