You not me

Gratitude List 17/09/2018

Whether I was physically there or not, I was often absent. Even if I wasn’t acting out I was thinking about it. Birthdays, weddings, funerals, Christmas… the event made little difference. Even in the build up to such events, my mind was elsewhere. If I did think about it, my thoughts towards it were full of fear and resentment. Fear of how I could afford it and resentment towards the time it would take away from me being in action – this was my time!

Today, things are different. Today is my girlfriend’s birthday. Today I think of others.

Today I am grateful….

– that for the last few weeks my mind has been on how to make her birthday a special occasion. Due to our work, my children and I planned a little celebration yesterday. No fear or resentment, just excitement for my girlfriend.

– for being in a financial position where I could afford to buy a gift and a card.

– for wanting to spend my money on buying a gift and a card.

– for being present physically throughout the day.

– for being present mentally throughout the day. Being witness to and taking part in all the smiles and enjoyment.

– that my children too wanted to make her day special. My daughter and I created a treasure hunt for her presents, she loved it.

– for the happiness enjoyed by everyone involved. My girlfriend, my children and me too. I suffered no guilt, no regret, no self pity. Instead, serenity.

– that I get to do it all again next week when my daughter turns 10!!!

My angel and I. Catalunya, Summer 2018