Eye Opener

Below is an extract from today’s Hazelden Inspiration

Sept. 18 – Eye Opener (1950)

A deep stab wound must heal from within outward, or fresh tissue would grow over the lip of the wound and prevent the necessary drainage from beneath. Blood poisoning would set in and the poison would circulate through the entire body.

Human improvement works the same way. If it is only a surface cure, the poison remains in the heart and mind, affecting our entire life, and unless oral surgery is resorted to, our characters become infected.

The AA Program is moral surgery, wherein we remove sick and diseased thoughts and actions from deep within ourselves and thus become entirely healed.

Dig deep

Gratitude List 18/09/2018

The way I used to deal with any harms I caused and any resentments or fears was to lock them up and throw away the key. I didn’t want to think about them, I didn’t want to deal with them, so I learnt from a very young age how to surpress them. I quickly became very good at this. But did they diminish and dissappear? No, they stayed with me decade after decade. Although I rarely thought of them, they all insidiously had a huge negative effect on my life, in particular my sanity, my serenity and my relationships.

An example of each are as follows:

– a long deep resentment towards my dad. Both he and I suffered because of it. I have forgiven him now and our relationship has blossomed. I love him dearly and I have no problem telling him. I’ve learnt its never too late to forgive. Despite the decades of resentment passed, our new relationship, although very short in comparison has been miraculous.

– a fear of being honest. I was so scared of the small consequences of being truthful. I’d rather dig myself into a deep hole and suffer properly! I also didn’t care about the trust I was rapidly losing from numerous people, people I loved and cared for. Thankfully, I now have peace of mind by simply being open and honest. Furthermore, others appreciate and respect my honesty. What was I afraid of? Another self created fear?

– the harm I caused my girlfriend. To name a few, she suffered from my dishonesty, my manipulation, my anger, my intolerance, my self pity and my selfishness. I should have suffered with the same, and I suppose I did a little. The worst thing on my part was I went about my life, happy, in complete denial and thinking I was right. What I didn’t know was this behaviour was eating away at my serenity, turning me into a person I wasn’t meant to be.

Today I am grateful for everything I have unlocked and faced head on. By doing so, I have been able to learn from each one, use them for reference and positively apply them to my day to day life. As a result my sanity, my serenity and my relationships have miraculously improved.

Lastly, I am humbly grateful for someone showing me how to achieve this and for my higher power’s strength and direction. Without them I would have just chosen to scrape the surface. I needed to dig deep.

Grateful for the memory

Highgate Woods, London. Autumn 2016