Self-knowledge

Gratitude List 01/10/2018

When I was blind to my self orientated ways I couldn’t possibly learn from them. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing wrong with me. Thankfully I found the courage to look deep within, scrape the bottom of the barrel and positively reflect on my past. What I learnt and continue to learn is my self-will can manifest itself in many different ways. In other words, many different defects. Acknowledgement of these defects in itself is a tool. Admitting them is another, and I need these two tools before I can gather further tools that will assist in fixing them.

Today I am grateful to have some self-knowledge and therefore a growing ability to acknowledge and admit self-manifested defects when they arise.

I know it’s not my higher power’s will when:

– I contemplate being dishonest with my girlfriend.

– I catch myself being lazy at work.

– I realise I’m not looking after my appearance.

– fear begins to fester in my mind.

– I put off doing things I know are good for me.

– the bare minimum is enough.

– I lack patience and tolerance with my kids.

– I am tempted by junk food.

– I am about to check Facebook for the second time within a minute.

– I catch my wandering eye.

– I begin to resent someone who is threatening my values.

– my ego wants me to join in with banter or gossip.

When these defects come up (which they will) it is absolutely vital I do two things – take action and reconnect with a power greater than myself.

Grateful for the memory

Paris, France, 2016