Beaten up

Gratitude List 10/10/2018

Today I am suffering with the severe illness that is – man-flu! 😉 Sympathy is welcome haha. In all seriousness, with plenty of water and a few paracetamol I’ll be fine, that surity is a blessing in itself.

It is this flu that has prompted my gratitude list today. I feel knocked out. Shattered. Beaten up. Dazed. It reminds me of how I felt when I was in action.

So today my list again reflects on the things I no longer have to put up with.

Today I am grateful:

– I no longer come out with clammy pale skin, my mouth slightly open, empty vacant eyes, feeling light headed and unsteady on my feet.

– I no longer come out with gritted teeth, hot and flustered, sweating, feeling dirty and talking to myself.

– I no longer swear at the top of my voice and pull my hair while I punch the steering wheel again and again.

– I no longer run back and forth to the ATM, I no longer run home to collect what I promised myself I wouldn’t and then deliriously skip back with excitement and an extra bounce in my step.

– I no longer come out with the choice to either laugh or cry. My ego wouldn’t let me cry in public, so laugh like it’s all a big joke is what I had to do.

– I no longer suffer with tight chest pains, the shakes, a rapid pulse and the insane thought that if I did have a heart attack, at least I’d get some sympathy.

– I no longer lie in my bed shocked, dazed and in utter disbelief. Motionless. Emotionless.

Today I am so glad it’s the flu that has made me feel s**t and not myself. Sometimes, I need these reminders of the pain, suffering and insanity. It’s these reminders that keep me on my toes and keeps my foot on the pedal. Again, my gratitude goes to the miraculous recovery program and the fellowship who without them I’d be extremely vulnerable to more than just the man-flu!

Grateful for the memory
Stormy London, 2016