Gratitude List 12/10/2018

I used to struggle so much with being honest. People pleasing played a major part as I feared the consequences of being truthful. What do I say? When do I say it? How do I say it? Can I hold something back? Telling lies always seemed the best action, like I was protecting the person I was lying to – until it inevitably blew up in our faces. As a result, a day without being dishonest was a very rare occurrence. It became second nature to me.

Today, I’m still not perfect but more often than not, when I ask myself at the end of each day ‘if I had been dishonest?’, my answer is no. Again I can reflect on this miraculous change with gratitude towards the recovery program and how it works within my life.

Today I am grateful

1 – I can admit my powerlessness over other people and admit that when I try to make difficult decisions – it all goes wrong.

2 – I have a strong belief in a power greater than myself and that He can help me think normally.

3 – I can hand these decisions over to a greater power, having faith that the right answer will come.

4 – I have a knowledge of dishonesty, the destruction it has caused in my past, how it links with other defects, how it effects my strengths and happiness, and how I can rid my self of the underlying fear.

5 – I have had a spiritual experience through being honest and opening up my deepest darkest secrets. I know honesty is good for me.

6 – I became and am still entirely ready to have my dishonesty removed. It’s a defect that causes so much harm.

7 – I can humbly get on my knees and hand over dishonesty to a greater power. If I need to, I can do this again and again and again.

8 – I walked a mile in the other person’s shoes, gaining an idea of the pain dishonesty can cause. The loss of trust. The loss of respect. The loss of love.

9 – I have made amends to these others. In doing so I have realised that ‘the mile I walked’ didn’t do the harm I caused justice. It’s always been worse.

10 – I continue to take inventory, admitting every night if I have been dishonest. Purposely avoiding this, is dishonesty to myself.

11 – I connect with a greater power, through prayer and meditation, praying for His will and the power to carry it out.

12 – I can carry this message to others by being as honest as I possibly can be. Honesty tends to breed honesty.

Grateful for the memory

Passenger at Somerset House, London 2018