Sneaky fears!!

Gratitude List 23/10/2018

There’s still certain things in life I try and deal with by myself instead of asking for help. Crazy things like my health. I’ve been suffering with a couple of concerns (nothing serious) for a while now and I realised this morning I’ve gone back to my default setting of surpressing. I can’t just ignore these concerns and hope they’ll go away. Completely irrational thinking, I know the help is there waiting for me – I’ve felt this before!

Today I am grateful for this simple but often easily missed recognition that my self will has retaken control. Surpression is clearly not my greater God’s will.

Today I am grateful for all the other simple and obvious signs that remind me to hand things over – being dishonest, being over-indulgent, slipping into self pity, dwelling in resentment, being fearful – again none of these are God’s will.

Today I am grateful I fully intend to call the doctor and make an appointment. The intention is the second baby step, after the recognition.

Today I am grateful I have some wisdom and know the difference between letting something go and surpressing it. For me, it can be a fine line.

Today I am grateful to also acknowledge that this is fear based. I fear knowing what’s wrong.

Today I am grateful I know how to handle my fears. I know there’s some action to take and I know there’s some praying to be done.

Today I am grateful that God’s words entered my mind this morning as I wrote the title to this list.

Today I am grateful for putting this down in writing. There is definitely something unexplainable and magical about doing so. It’s like I’m fully admitting something and being honest with myself.

Grateful for the memory Potters Bar, Hertfordshire, UK, Spring 2015