Suffering

Gratitude List 26/10/2018

Yesterday I bumped into someone I caused harm to several years ago. It’s not the first time our paths have crossed as we live fairly close to each other. Each time we do, I can see the hate in his eyes. Fair enough, the harm I caused was pretty horrendous. Within a second my mind was taken back to the horrible person I once was. Despite this wrenching my stomach, my reaction to bumping into each other has significantly changed.

Today I am grateful that my reaction to his resentment is not to resent in return.

Today I am grateful that because I wasn’t resentful, I didn’t suffer from hate, anger or self-pity.

Today I am grateful that I see his hate as a front for the pain that I have caused him. He suffers when he sees me and has done for many years. I feel for him.

Today I am grateful that I get to make amends to him soon. Its been a long time coming. He may not want to hear me but I’ll give it my best shot. I owe him that.

Today I am grateful I prayed for his happiness and serenity last night. I prayed that our paths crossing doesn’t ruin his time with his family.

Today I am grateful that I prayed in hope he will one day be able to forgive me. Not for selfish reasons, but because I know, through experience that it will ease his own suffering.

Today I am grateful I was able to share this story almost instantly and get it off my chest. This is an absolute blessing.

Today I am grateful for this complete reversal in the way I think. As a result I am more serene. With that serenity the chances of me taking further positive action has improved tenfold.

Grateful for the memory

Hiking through the Lake District, summer 2018