Gratitude List 29/11/2018

There’s something about standing in the rain. I have no idea what it is, but I feel quite serene and I enjoy it. I’m grateful to have the ability to feel this way because I’m also aware that I’m able to feel this way because at any given time I can choose to:

– put on a warm and waterproof coat, a dry woolley hat and use an umbrella.
– go in my home, with central heating, a dry mattress, plenty of food and a hot shower.
– change out of my wet clothing into something else and if desperate make a purchase.
– afford to temporarily shelter in a coffee shop without fearing being kicked out because the customers might complain.

Thousands don’t have these often ignored blessings.

Show it

Gratitude List 28/11/2018

Monday night also served up a reminder that as well as expressing gratitude through these lists, I must show it too. ‘Just for today I will have a plan, I may not follow it exactly but I will have it.’

Today I am grateful I plan to:

– show gratitude towards my life by being happy.

– show gratitude towards my home by keeping it clean and tidy.

– show my gratitude towards my health by eating well and doing some exercise.

– show my gratitude towards my job by being productive and industrious.

– show gratitude towards my loved ones by loving them as much as I can, in any way I can.

– show gratitude towards money by being responsible and honest.

– show gratitude towards the fellowship by doing what I can for its welfare.

– show gratitude towards it’s members by calling a few of them.

– show gratitude towards my recovery program by working it to the best of my ability.

– show gratitude towards my greater power by humbly praying and meditating.

– show gratitude towards my senses by enjoying what is beautiful.

Light up a Life

Gratitude List 26/11/2018

Last night was spent the same way as it has done for the last 13 years. On the last Sunday in November the North London Hospice host a Light for a Life event, whereby you can sponsor a light in memory of someone. It’s a very serene affair which ends with the lighting of a beautiful oak tree.

Today I am grateful for the incredible work the staff do at this hospice and all the others too.

Today I am grateful for the event organisers. Every year is perfectly put together.

Today I am grateful for the local primary school choir who came and sang so beautifully.

Today I am grateful for the hundreds of people who turn up each year. Each one has been touched by the kindness shown by the staff.

Today I am grateful for everyone who raises money for charities. Some of the stories which have been shared are incredibly inspiring.

Today I am grateful for light. In so many ways it resembles positivity and hope.

Today I am grateful for that the event makes me think of my mum. I want to remember her as much as possible.

Powerless is Powerful

Gratitude List 25/11/2018

As I sit on a delayed plane, trying to remain serene, it seems very appropriate for me to write about powerlessness. Before recovery, the very thought of being powerless over something didn’t really occur to me. Since working the program I’ve learnt so much, it’s no wonder it’s important admission lies within the very first step.

Today I am grateful for everything I have learnt about powerlessness.

– Although my actions and behaviors may have a bearing through the laws of attraction, I am simply powerless over people, places and things.

– There are many things I have no power over, no matter what I think or how hard I try.

– When I have tried to enforce my unwanted and not required power it has had little to zero success and nearly every time made things worse.

– Admitting I’m powerless over people has naturally meant I am less controlling and less coercive.

– Witnessing someone who is trying to enforce power when they are powerless is something I can relate but also something I don’t want to experience.

– There are many, many things more powerful than me. Whether physically, mentally or spiritually.

– Being powerless over something is not a weakness. It is a humble and courageous admission.

– A realisation of powerlessness was and is necessary for me to want help.

– Not accepting powerlessness can be a very harmful experience for all involved (including myself) and sometimes without me even realising it.

– There are a number of things about my own mind and my own body that I am powerless over.

– Ironically, admitting my powerlessness was the vital first step in becoming empowered. Anyone who believes in a greater power than themselves will be able to relate to this.

– ‘Don’t you know who I am?!’ Yes… a being, like the billions of others.

Barcelona, Spain.

Gratitude List

Gratitude List 24/11/2018

Today I am grateful for my current serenity. I say current because I know how quickly it can change.

Today I am grateful that my moments that are not so serene are still serene in comparison to my past.

Today I am grateful that I like to make others happy.

Today I am grateful that despite this, my happiness does not depend on anyone else’s.

Today I am grateful for progression. As long as I’ve worked the program I have continued to progress. That’s an exciting prospect.

Today I am grateful I am closer to being the person others always thought I was.

Today I am grateful, that although it’s not a financial problem, my finances have improved massively and I have become more responsible.

Today I am grateful that I live on a more level plane today. The highs and lows no longer resemble the Blackpool dipper.

Today I am grateful that although I see defects in others to which I am grateful I do not suffer, I am humble enough to not judge.

Today I am grateful for gratitude. I can’t believe for decades I thought and acted without it.

Today I am grateful for my greater power. Above everything the last couple years in recovery has given me, this is without a doubt the last thing I would give away. ‘May I do thy will always.’ My most important line in my prayers.


Gratitude List 23/11/2018

Going to miss this place. This afternoon we will be leaving Mont-Roig and heading back to Barcelona for 2 nights before flying back to London. Mont-Roig is already a special place for me.

Today I am grateful for the peace and quiet. It is far from the hustle and bustle of London and as peaceful as I can imagine any village. I’m grateful I notice this.

Today I am grateful for its beauty. In many parts it feels like I’m walking around a medieval town. The surrounding red rocked mountains and the nearby sea give awesome viewpoints. I’m grateful I notice this.

Today I am grateful for the people who live here. Everyone says ‘Good day’ when you pass. Everyone smiles. Everyone supports each other. Everyone seems happy. I’m grateful I notice this.

Today I am grateful specifically to my girlfriend’s family. Welcoming, friendly, kind, loving, generous are all understatements. I have felt so comfortable in the presence. I’m grateful I notice this.

Today I am grateful I have been here 100% of the time to support my girlfriend. Despite Mont-Roig being close to her heart, it also strongly reminds her of her dad. She has done extremely well and shown such incredible strength. I’m glad I’ve been here, body and mind, to do what I could. I’m grateful I notice this.

How much?

Gratitude List 22/11/2018

How much effort should I put into the Recovery Program that has worked for thousands of others before me?

Well it depends…

How happy do I want to be?

How useful to others do I want to be?

How much do I want to make amends?

How good do I want to feel about myself?

How strong do I want my relationships to be?

How serene do I want my mind to be?

How fearless do I want to live my life?

How much hope do I want to have?

How much help and support do I want to have?

How much of an inspiration do I want to be to my kids?

How much love do I want in my life?

How much do I want to be resentment-free?

How much do I want to be a better person?

My answer to all of the above questions (including the top one) is ‘as much as possible’.


Mont-Roig, Catalonia, Spain.

One or the other

Gratitude List 21/11/2018

At this present moment I could quite easily be suffering with a bit of fear and resentment – life can do that sometimes. Today I am determined to not let that happen. How best to achieve this? Fill the moment with positivity instead. Because its very difficult for a defect to thrive when a strength is already doing so. It’s either one or the other, I can’t be sad if I’m feeling happy, I cannot hate if I love. Of course, it can work the other way round. The choice is mine, and I’m grateful I have the tools and recovery to make that choice.

Today I am grateful:

– I choose to be happy and not sad.

– I choose to have faith instead of fear.

– I choose to pray instead of manage.

– I choose to tolerate and not get frustrated.

– I choose to forgive and not resent.

– I choose to act and not just think.

– I choose to appreciate beauty and not ignore.

– I choose to smile instead of frown.

– I choose to read and not look through Facebook…. Again.

– I choose to see the good in people and not the bad.

– I choose to consider why instead of judge.

– I chose to do this list instead of not.

Pratdip, Catalonia, Spain.

More friends!

Gratitude List 20/11/2018

I am blessed to have been surrounded by friends my whole life. Some of these friendships have been very close and they remain that way now. I am still in touch with my school friends and have many friends from work. Despite this, only one or two of these friends have an idea of who I truly am.

What the fellowship has given me is a whole new group of friends – a blessing in itself, but these friends offer me so much.

Today I am grateful for all the friends I have in my life as a result of (a) being part of a fellowship and (b) working the recovery program. I now have:

– friends I can relate to.

– friends who offer me their support.

– friends I can rely on.

– friends I can learn from.

– friends I can trust.

– friends I can communicate with.

– friends I can be honest with.

– friends who can guide me.

– friends I can guide.

– friends I enjoy being with.

– friends for life.

More learning

Gratitude List 19/11/2018

I’ve been thinking more of my day yesterday. More of how serene it was to watch people converse for hours without me understanding anything.

Today I am grateful for the lesson yesterday has taught me. It has taught me…..

– that I judge people too much on what they say.

– that I get resentful when people don’t meet my expectations.

– that I can be too opinionated and rarely let people have theirs.

– that I can put too much emphasis on what someone says and miss the bigger picture.

– that words and how I understand them often are my fear creators.

– that words can be misunderstood, and never fully express what someone is thinking or feeling.

Basically, yesterday I did not suffer with judgement, resentment, fear, intolerance, impatience, frustration, expectation or pride. Which tells me two things (a) I still suffer with these defects, and (b) I should rely more on what my heart tells me and not what my ears hear (or what my mind reads). It’s like when my ego hears ‘this person doesn’t love me’, when in my heart I know they do, or when my ego hears ‘they’re wrong’, when in my heart I know I am.