Feel

Gratitude List 09/11/2018

Knowing I’m doing wrong can be quite difficult, especially when I’m dealing with a self-will that suffers from a lot of defects. It’s easy for me to be harsh on myself. It’s easy to feel guilt and regret.

Today I am grateful for these moments. I spent too much of my life absolutely oblivious to my faults. I never faced up to them and therefore could never learn from them. So today, when I feel like I’m doing wrong I take it as a positive. A relief that I am not blind to or immune from guilt and regret. I have been numb to such emotions and for me, it’s not healthy. I would rather feel then than be emotionless.

I now have a conscience. I now have morales. I now see the positives in the recognition and admission of my faults. I’m grateful I see this as an opportunity to change. I’m grateful it gives me humility and vulnerability. I’m grateful these feelings have not lead to self-pity or self-condemnation. This is not a ‘beat myself up exercise’. I’m just grateful to feel.