Gratitude List 04/12/2018
‘Why is it so difficult to do the things I know are good for me?’
Wow! I can relate to this some days! A great discussion was had last night. For some peculiar reason, doing the things I know are good for me can be so hard. It’s like life has a hold of me and I can’t break free and do something out of the ordinary.
Today I am grateful for the solutions I have discovered in recovery that have helped me through these moments.
– First and foremost, it is of paramount importance that I admit and accept that my self-will has taken control. I need to let go and let God. My greater power wants me to do the good things. Furthermore, if I don’t do this, the other solutions will be a lot harder to reach.
– I need to stop thinking. My thinking led me into this mess and the same thinking is not capable of getting me out of it. I am not good at managing my life and I need to stop trying. It’s far easier if my greater power or my sponsor does my thinking. I need to remain teachable.
– I need to draw strength from the successes I have had. Yes, I am compulsive and therefore suffer from certain traits which make it difficult for me to change. But, my abstinence is good for me, if I can go a day without doing the thing I crave the most then I am capable to change further. If I can change that behaviour, a change that once seemed impossible, then I can change others.
– I can create new habits. I’ve always created different habits, I just need to do it with the things that are good for me. Some suggestions have become habitual, I do them every single day. Others require a more conscious effort. I just need to keep doing them, even if I don’t want to. Non negotiable!
– It’s also ok for me to do something good after I’ve done something bad. After behaving badly, the last thing I want to do is something good. A sense of guilt makes me feel unworthy. I need to remind myself that this is my stinky thinking. On the contrary, it’s the perfect time to do something positive.
– When I have some spare time I need to remind myself I have a choice. Sometimes things just happen without me realising, before I know it I’m watching trash TV, eating junk food or checking Facebook. If I can be aware of that moment and that choice then I stand a chance. I don’t have to carry on doing what I’ve always done, it’s ok to step out of my comfort zone and do something different. Change is possible.
– I need to remember I am suffering from an illness and I need to medicate myself. And this is a life threatening illness and requires a lot of medication. Life can seem good and it’s easy for me to forget my illness is as deadly as ever, in the background waiting for me to be complacent.