Gratitude List 16/12/2018

Two years ago, my reaction to being harmed would have been completely different. 24 hours on I would have still been reeling with resentment, I’d still be suffering with fear and I’d still be wallowing in self-pity. My defects of character would be running a mock and running the show too.

Thanks to the recovery program, 24 hours on I am in a much better place.

Today I am grateful:

– my resentment was over within minutes.

– a fear didn’t have time to manifest.

– like fear, self-pity didn’t have time to develop.

– I was able to forgive when I really didn’t want to.

– I saw my part and how I was to blame.

– I quickly gave up on trying to control the other.

– for my past and the lessons I have learnt.

– the relationship and our happiness hardly suffered.

– my strengths of character outfought my defects.

– that my willingness to let go and let God was strong. Stronger than my self-will.

– I only regret an hour of my behaviour and not 24.

The Promises

Gratitude List 14/12/2018

Not even two years ago I made two promises; to be willing to go to any lengths to stay clean and abstinent, and once I had been through the steps I would take others through them in exactly the same way.

Admittedly, the first one was a daunting prospect, I hadn’t ever gone to any lengths for anything…… or had I? Cunning, baffling, insidious comes to mind. Nevertheless, I signed up with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

Today I am humbly grateful I did. As a result of doing so:

– I am amazed before I am half way through.

– I know a new freedom and a new happiness.

– I do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

– I comprehend the word serenity and I know peace.

– No matter how far down the scale I had gone, I see how my experience can benefit others.

– That feeling of uselessness and self-pity is disappearing.

– I have lost interest in selfish things and gained interest in my fellows.

– Self-seeking is slipping away.

– My whole attitude and outlook upon life has changed.

– Fear of people and of economic insecurity is leaving me.

– I intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle me.

– I have suddenly realised that God is doing for me what I could not do for ourselves.

These are what the 12 step program promised me. Twelve promises, not two. Were these extravagant promises? I bloody thought so. Do I now? I know not. They are being fulfilled within me sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They have always materialised if I worked for them.