Serenity

Gratitude List 24/12/2018

The reflection of the day spoke of the uncovering of ones serenity. I’m not sure when that uncovering happened for me. I pressume it was subtle and progressive as I worked the program. However, I do remember that lightbulb moment as I smiled and thought ‘wow, where did this peace of mind and happiness come from?’ I was genuinely happy, as I am still.

Today I am grateful for the fellowship for giving me my first taste of serenity.

For my fellows, especially ones that keep coming back week after week displaying serenity in the way they act, behave and speak. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

For my sponsor and the 12 step recovery program. Together they progressively maintain and improve my serenity.

That my serenity does little to no harm to those around me. In contrast, like smiles, serenity through the law of attraction can be contagious.

That my serenity puts my mind and soul into a place whereby I can accept the things I cannot change. Without the serenity I would no doubt struggle.

For the suggestions and necessary action that keep my serenity topped up during the hours and hours between meetings.

That with serenity comes happiness, peace of mind, smiles, joy, gratitude, forgiveness, faith, connection, spirituality, calmness, love.

That serenity fills a void and protects it with it’s strength. A void that otherwise would be vulnerable to all types of defects.

Reminder

Gratitude List 23/12/2018

Since the days of desperation, my illness is such that it tries to convince me it’s in hibernation, or gone altogether.

Today I am grateful for the reminders this evening gave me.

That my illness is still there and always will be.

That my illness is patient and will wait for as long as it takes for me to get complacent.

That my illness makes me forget.

That my illness does not sit around getting weaker during my abstinence. It’s out there doing press-ups.

That my illness manifests itself in many ways.

That my illness doesn’t watch Netflix.

That my illness is ready to harm me and the people I love.

That my illness knows no bottom.

That my illness doesn’t do half measures.

Joy

Gratitude List 22/12/2018

I know what it’s like to live with very little joy. When there was joy, it was often a mask for my true feelings. Today, I have a life whereby many joys are within my reach. I am currently sitting in the living room. Nothing out of the ordinary or particularly special is happening (although Return of the Jedi is on) but I am enjoying everything. There’s so much to enjoy. I truly am blessed. In the past, my mind would have been preoccupied with my addiction or my stinky thinking.

Today I am grateful I am aware of what there is to enjoy.

Today I am grateful I am more present and therefore able to enjoy what is happening around me.

Today I am grateful I experience joy on a daily basis.

Today I am grateful the simplest of things can bring me joy.

Today I am grateful for seeing others enjoy themselves, this never fails to bring a big smile to my face.

Today I am grateful my joy does not depend on any stimulant.

Today I am grateful I enjoy the company of others.

Today I am grateful I can enjoy my surroundings.

Today I am grateful I know how to enjoy myself.

Today I am grateful the joy on my face is authentic.

Life is worth living.

Sensible!

Gratitude List 21/12/2018

I wish this story was fictional.

For me, the 21st is the day after payday and on more than a few occasions panned out something like this. I would start with confidence that today was going to be different. I was going to be sensible. Not being aware of the dishonesty, I would begin by searching pockets and handbags for any discarded money, this way I wouldn’t need to touch whatever money I had left from the day before. See… sensible. Excitement grew at the prospect of transforming this small pile of coins, not into a mountain of cash, but into several hours of my favourite pastime. I would leave the house with a skip and a jump and make my merry way to the nearest bookies with my pockets jingling. Seeing those keys still in the door was always a huge disappointment but eventually I’m in. My plans go out the window and I’m back out after 5 minutes because my patience couldn’t overcome the 8:32 at Lucksin Downs. My skipping and jumping now resembled a battle charge as I made my way back home to collect the debit card I swore I was not going to touch. Why couldn’t I just cut it into pieces? On my way back I told myself ‘it’s still ok, I can control this.’ After several trips of frantically running to and from the ATM looking like I’m fleeing from the Police I leave the bookies well before I had planned. Now there is no life in my legs as I stagger home resigned to a depressing day ahead. The thought of the consequences of my actions start to dawn on me. The bills? The lies? The harm? The…….. payday loan!! Yes, I’m back!

Today I am grateful my day hasn’t started like this. Absolute insanity. Today i am blessed. The fellowship, my sponsor, my greater power, service, diligent effort and the recovery program has given me my sanity back.

Not complaining

Gratitude List 20/12/2018

I really can’t complain. No matter how much my ego wants me to. Even my darkest days weren’t that bad, especially when I compare it to what others in the world have to go through.

Today I am grateful I do not live on the streets.

Today I am grateful I am not living in poverty.

Today I am grateful my life is not threatened by famine.

Today I am grateful for our extensive health service.

Today I am grateful I do not live in a country at war. There are many.

Today I am grateful I am not suffering with any serious health conditions. Physical or mental.

Today I am grateful I have a support network.

Today I am grateful I am not a victim of exploitation, oppression or dehumanisation.

Today I am grateful for my freedom.

Today I am grateful for my life. I have no idea when it will end.

At any unknown given moment, many of the above can change. I’m determined to stay grateful and appreciate what I have.

Found the lessons

Gratitude List 19/12/2018

With regards to a particular situation, I really do not want to be where I am. Within this situation I find myself in a management role, a role I don’t want. I already fully admitted my life was unmanageable when I was in control, yet here I find myself in control of a difficult set of circumstances, and I am doing a poor job. I honestly try to let go and let God but I always seem to get dragged back in one way or another.

Today I am grateful for this learning experience. It’s been difficult to do so, but I think I have found the lessons.

Today I am grateful my greater power has challenged me in this way. Maybe I’m the best person for this role.

Today I am grateful I have a greater power to turn to. I need His help more than ever with this. I have faith that through His will, in time this situation will improve.

Today I am grateful I have a place whereby I seem to have a strong connection with my greater power. I’ll be heading there regularly.

Today I am grateful that this could be a lesson in responsibility and a way of making amends to the people I’ve harmed the most.

Today I am grateful that despite the difficulty, I am still handling this better than I ever did before. I would have made this so much worse. I am progressing.

😊🙏🏻👍🏻❤

Dressed up regression

Gratitude List 18/12/2018

Progression – ‘the process of developing or moving gradually towards a more advanced state.’

The word progression is often used in recovery. It’s what I aim for.

Today I am grateful for what I have learnt about progression….

– ‘Progression not perfection’ is a common phrase and reminds me not to be harsh on myself when things don’t go as well as I hoped.

– It’s easy for me to use that same phrase as an excuse when in fact, if I am honest, I am actually regressing. ‘Regression not perfection’ doesn’t work!!

– Standing still or not developing is not progression.

– For me, ‘standing still’ and ‘not developing’ is dressed up regression. If I’m not slowly moving forward I am slowly and subtly moving backwards.

– Perfection will never be reached. That’s not a bad thing, it means there is no limit to my progression.

– When I reflect on my past, my progression is clear. One day at a time, it gives me hope for how much I could progress in the future.

– Progression requires consistent action.