With awareness follows desire

Gratitude List 14/01/2019

With awareness follows desire.

The Recovery Program, specifically step 4 taught me a lot about who I am. Through the process, I realised how little I knew about myself as well as how much I ignored and denied – my defects of character for example. The very meaning and understanding of my defects in itself is a tool, another is knowing the harm they caused me and others, another is the morales behind them. This knowledge gives me awareness and humility.

The awareness enables me to recognise defects when they arise in my daily life. The humility gives me the desire to do something about them.

No matter how much I try to connect with the program and my greater power, my self-will can retake control on a daily basis. I am only human. It’s within these moments I am most vulnerable to my defects. This is when the tools of step 4 really kick in.

Today I am grateful that when I get resentful, I at least recognise it, admit it and have the desire to be tolerant and forgiving.

Today I am grateful that when I become fearful, I at least recognise it, admit it and have the desire to let go and let God.

Today I am grateful that when I eat junk food, I at least recognise it, admit it and have the desire to eat healthier.

Today I am grateful that when I stare at women in the wrong way, I at least recognise it, admit it and have the desire to turn my eyes away.

Today I am grateful that when I tell a lie, or omit the truth, I at least recognise it, admit it and have the desire to put things right and be honest.

Today I am grateful that when I procrastinate, I at least recognise it, admit it and have the desire to take the first necessary step.

Today I am grateful that when I use my phone whilst driving, I at least recognise it, admit it and have the desire to put it down and wait till it’s safe.

Today I am grateful that when I’m wasting time doing things that aren’t good for me, I at least recognise it, admit it and have the desire to do something positive and productive.

Like I said, the above may seem very obvious but a few years ago I genuinely had zero knowledge, no morales and I was void of humility. I would have been none the wiser and would’ve carried on regardless, adamant I was doing nothing wrong.

I am grateful for self-knowledge. With awareness, morales and humility, my desire to learn will continue.