Happy birthday mum

Gratitude List 16/01/2019

One of my biggest regrets as an addict was the many times I chose to be in action instead of spending time with my mum at the hospice. I loved her like no other and I knew she didn’t have long, but my decision to spend my spare time acting out was rarely swayed. After she died, my ego wouldn’t allow me to admit and face what I had done. It took almost eleven years, and a fearless step 4, for me to finally unlock those few months I had surpressed so securely to the back of my mind.

Today I am grateful that this ‘was’ and not ‘is’ one of my biggest regrets. Step 4 also taught me how to forgive myself. I’m also grateful I have learnt how to use my past as a tool to better the person I am today.

Today is my mum’s birthday and today I am grateful that when she comes to mind (which is more often than ever before) I am not suffering with shame, regret and guilt. Instead I can now reflect upon our time together with gratitude, love and acceptance.

My spiritual growth means I now feel very connected with my mum, I genuinely feel her presence. When she was alive, she was always a source of inspiration, support and guidance. Today, in a different way, I am grateful she remains to be one of my greater powers.