Gratitude List 30/04/2019: Not in control! Phew!

Gratitude List 30/04/2019

The majority of my day is under the control of my work and that will continue to be the case until later this afternoon. In the past, work was one of the very few things that had an element of control me. To be honest, they had less control than they thought!!

Today I am grateful I am letting work dictate what I do.

Today I am grateful that when work doesn’t have full control, it’s because I have given control over to my sponsor or a greater power as I work the steps or do the daily suggestions.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and frantically looking for ways (any way) to get my hands on some money.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and making up excuses as to why I need to leave the office.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and looking around in fear of being seen to enter a bookies.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and running to and from the ATM.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and I don’t have to wear a happy and professional face when I return, pretending everything is okay.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and sitting on the toilet (trousers up) playing online.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and freaking out when I’ve forgot to put my phone on silent.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and creating reasons why I’m still at work when I should be on my way home.

Gratitude List 29/04/2019: Spirituality

Gratitude List 29/04/2019

Spirituality

I really struggled with the concept of spirituality. I wasn’t comfortable with it at all. For me it either resembled religion or flower power from the 60’s. I fully admit to my narrow-mindedness. To those who practiced it I reacted with resentment or humour.

Although I am now open and comfortable with going to mass or dancing round a beach fire, I have come to realise through recovery there are many ways I can add spirituality to my life.

Today I am grateful I can choose to be in touch with nature and the world – to feel part of mankind. Spirituality.

Today I am grateful I can choose to unite and selflessly serve the fellowship. Spirituality.

Today I am grateful I can choose to let go of expectation and instead practice gratitude. Spirituality.

Today I am grateful I can choose to pray and practice qualities like surrender, humility and thankfulness. Spirituality.

Today I am grateful I can choose to meditate and increase my ability to let go of my thoughts and give into mindfulness. Spirituality.

Today I am grateful I can choose to continuously practice spiritual principles like honesty, acceptance, tolerance and patience. Spirituality.

Today I am grateful I can choose to loosen the reigns, give up trying to control my life (and the lives of others) and believe in a power greater than I. Spirituality.

Today I am grateful I can choose to be open-minded towards religion and the common message. Spirituality.

Today I am grateful I can choose to show and share an abundance of love, kindness and forgiveness. Spirituality.

Today I am grateful I can choose to acknowledge the miracle of life within me and how life surrounds me wherever I go. Spirituality.

Gratitude List 28/04/2019

Gratitude List 28/04/2019

Today I am grateful for some more hope that’s come our way.

Today I am grateful for a great day with my children.

Today I am grateful I took the time to sit down with my son and help him find a job.

Today I am grateful I am willing to let my daughter take my phone (yes take my phone!) so she can listen to music.

Today I am grateful for a great phone call with a dear friend.

Today I am grateful for the latest beautiful surprises in our garden.

Today I am grateful for watching the house sparrows foraging for their nest. So industrious!

Today I am grateful I can speak aloud to my mum without feeling stupid or embarrassed.

Today I am grateful for my nephew running the London marathon. So proud of him.

Today I am grateful I chose to do this list instead of many other things my self wants me to do.

Gratitude List 27/04/2019: Falling Short

Gratitude List 27/04/2019

“Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience. “

Alcoholics Anonymous, PG. 70

Today I am grateful I have a better idea of what ‘the chosen ideal’ is. Without this knowledge I’d be in denial.

Today I am grateful I have the humility to honestly admit when I have fallen short.

Today I am grateful that personal experience has proven these falls do not automatically lead to a relapse and that a lot will depend on my response.

Today I am grateful I do ask God, as I understand Him, for forgiveness, praying only for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out. I do this on a daily basis.

Today I am grateful that I believe God has forgiven me each and every time and will continue to do so as long as there’s an honest desire on my behalf.

Today I am grateful that I do take these falls as an opportunity to learn, improve myself and equip myself for the future.

Today I am grateful I am under no illusion that if I am not sorry and I continue a conduct that will harm others, including myself, then a relapse is inevitable.

Today I am grateful I don’t have theorize! I don’t want to decide what’s right and what’s wrong. I’m no good at it anyway. The facts are there in clear view if I wish to see them.

Today I am grateful for those who share their own falls. If I truly listen without judgement, I can learn from them – I don’t have to go through the same terrifying experiences to prove it.

Gratitude List 26/04/2019: The late stages.

Gratitude List 26/04/2019

“In the late stages of our drinking, the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A.A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension—freedom under God as we understand Him.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 283

Today I am grateful I haven’t forgotten the late stages of my addiction and how my will to resist was non-existent. There was no fight.

Today I am grateful the late stages led to my own admission of complete defeat. To admit my complete powerlessness and completely surrender.

Today I am grateful my surrender led to me being entirely ready to try the principles. Principles that had worked for thousands of others. I had tried everything in my own power and nothing had worked. I had to try something completely different, something I was uncomfortable with.

Today I am grateful that by doing so my obsession left me. Almost like a switch, the principles worked instantly.

Today I am grateful that these principles led to spiritual growth, which for me was like entering a new dimension.

Today I am grateful that upon entering this dimension I found my very first understanding of God. I went from a cynic to someone willing, an agnostic to a believer, a believer to someone with faith.

Today I am grateful my understanding of God is mine and mine alone. I can choose my own. As long as it’s greater than me – I have a big choice!

Today I am grateful that under God I too found freedom. Freedom from my obsession. Freedom from my insanity. Freedom from my self.

Today I am grateful that Bill wasn’t scared to use the words ‘we’ and ‘our’. He was the voice of thousands who shared a common solution.

Gratitude List 25/04/2019: Could be worse

Gratitude List 25/04/2019

Below is a list of ten things which I could easily view as negative. My mindset towards each one can positively switch to one of gratitude if I simply recognise that every one could be worse.

Today I am grateful for my backache because I know it could be worse.

Today I am grateful for making a bad decision this morning because I know it could be worse.

Today I am grateful for my powerlessness because I know it could be worse.

Today I am grateful for my limited financial budget this month because I know it could be much worse.

Today I am grateful for the disappointing change in my circumstances at work because I know it could be worse.

Today I am grateful for another long day at work ahead of me because I know it could be worse.

Today I am grateful for some tough relationships because I know they could be worse.

Today I am grateful for this cloudy day because I know it could be worse.

Today I am grateful for my rock bottoms because I know they could’ve been worse.

Today I am grateful I support Spurs because it definitely could be worse 😉

Gratitude List 24/04/2019: Resisting to feed my ego

Gratitude List 24/04/2019

Resisting to feed my ego can be a daily war – I say war because there can be several battles per day.

Today I am grateful I resisted sharing some information I knew would initiate gossip within my work place. I would have been centre of attention but at the expense of another.

Today I am grateful I didn’t feel the need to jump on the bandwagon and join in with some office banter, which again was at the expense of others.

Today I am grateful I didn’t point out the person walking down the street just so I could get a laugh.

Today I am grateful I didn’t interrupt anyone whilst they spoke just so I could express my own opinions.

Today I am grateful I didn’t try and take all the credit for what was a team effort. I was happy to see another take the limelight.

Today I am grateful I didn’t point out and loudly verbalise someone’s mistake.

Today I am grateful I didn’t hide something with a lie in order to protect my success and ego.

Today I am grateful I am aware that this type of behaviour is detrimental to my spiritual health.

Today I am grateful I accept that this is a working progress. I am no way near perfect. But I am aware and I will get lots of practice.