Gratitude List 13/04/2019: Subtle Progression

Gratitude List 13/04/2019

What I love about this progressive recovery is it’s subtlety. There have been a few ‘thunderbolt’ moments but for the most, changes are happening without me even noticing. Remembering where I came from, along with my daily inventory, I am reminded of how far I’ve come. And today I can look at my inventory and think wow! I’ve come a long way!

Today I am grateful I have not been resentful. In the past, resentment was an absolute constant. I resented so many for so many reasons. Nothing took my happiness away as much as resentment. Today is a blessing.

Today I am grateful I have not been selfish. My ego never let me admit how selfish I was, I believed I was the most thoughtful person in existence. Today I can identify my selfishness and I possess the tools to put it right.

Today I am grateful I have not been dishonest. Wow, this one is a daily miracle. I used to lie about everything. Everything! Most of them were absolutely pointless. I was just compulsive. I rarely lie now which is quite unbelievable.

Today I am grateful I have not been fearful. In the past I was riddled with fear. Absolutely riddled. Big fears, little fears and most were fears that didn’t even exist. Today I have no fear, instead I have serenity.

Today I am grateful I do not owe an apology. Genuinely saying sorry was never my thing anyway because I was always right. Not happy though. Today I can promptly admit when I’m wrong and be humble enough to do the next right thing.

Today I am grateful I reach out when I need to. No more surpressing. No more isolation. No more pride. Today I am comfortable with being vulnerable and I have an abundance of people to reach out to.

Today I am grateful I was kind and loving to all. I used to think I was. I was at times, but other times the kindness and love was a mask for the underlining manipulation and selfish dishonesty. Today the love and kindness I give is selfless and genuine.

Today I am grateful there is always something I can do better. (‘We strive for progression not perfection.’) In the past, as I reflected on another day of destruction, I would have felt some comfort in a different thought – ‘things could have been worse.’ Which is true, but today I am looking forward – always looking to better myself.

Today I am grateful I wasn’t always thinking of myself. My thinking was always about what I could get out of it. I wouldn’t contemplate anything unless I got something in return. Even the purchase of a gift would come with a huge expectation of gratitude in return. Today, even when I do things to better me, the thinking behind them is for the benefit of those around me.

Today I am grateful I thought of what we could do for others, or what I could pack into the stream of life. Like above, there was very little I would do that didn’t have a selfish slant to it. Most of the time I was being completely and utterly selfish. Like polar opposites, today is different, I am blessed to have changed. I am blessed with a second life in one. Whether it’s to my family, my friends, my colleagues, my community or my fellowship – I am more than happy to give something back.