Some things

Some things will bring a smile no matter how I’m feeling….

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My Way or the High(er power)way

Gratitude List 28/04/2018

I wasn’t only the director of life. I was the writer, the producer, the editor, the screenwriter and the special effects guy. I was the whole shebang!

If I take my foot off the recovery pedal I still can be. The problem is, I am absolutely rubbish at it. My management consistently causes destruction. My life (my way) is unmanageable. Thankfully, I am learning to let go.

I am very, very, very grateful that for the most I am not…..

Telling people what I think they should do,

Manipulating people to be more like me,

Setting my example,

Fixing my problems,

Managing my fears,

Handling my resentments,

Making difficult choices,

Filling the voids,

Deciding how I should recover.

I am not the arbiter of the universe. My Higher Powers do a much better job than me. I resign! Life is so much simpler this way.

E-going?

Gratitude List 27/04/2018

My ego once told me I had no ego! How egotistical is that!? Today I am hugely grateful for the sure signs that my ego has taken a bit of a bashing.

I can pray in front of my girlfriend

I can meditate in a park

I can tell my dad I love him

I can be vulnerable

I can feel guilt, shame and regret

I can recognise when I’m wrong

I can say sorry, ask for forgiveness and be willing to make amends

I can hand over my difficulties to a higher power

I can do as I’m told

I can choose not to join in the banter

I can speak to people I would normally choose not to

I can listen

I can tell the truth

More bashing to come!

From Good To Bad… Progressively

Gratitude List 26/04/2018

Not for the first time in my life I woke up this morning in fear. A tense, anxious nausea. The difference this time was, I quickly realised I had nothing to fear. Absolutely nothing. No worries, no stresses, no problems. I don’t remember having a bad dream either. My belief is, I have lived the majority of my adult life with an abundance of self created fear and as a result it became a habit. So much so, I can suffer from fear that doesn’t exist, like I did this morning, or make mountains out of molehills when it comes to the small concerns I do have. Fear is not the only bad habit I have that occasionally rears it’s ugly head without reason. But thankfully I have applied myself to the recovery program, and fear along with other bad traits are becoming less habitual. I am grateful that the below destructive habits are progressively playing a smaller part in my life.

Fear

Resentment

Dishonesty (hardest habit of all)

Laziness

Gluttony (just as hard!)

Lust

Gambling

Intolerance

Irresponsibility

Again, massive gratitude to the recovery program and my higher power. As a direct result, the voids left behind are slowly but surely being filled by good habits!

Love

Tolerance

Honesty

Open-mindedness

Willingness

Industriousness

Togetherness

Responsibility

Calmness

Humility

Maturity

Gratefulness

Mindfulness

Trustfullness

Reliability (wow)

If I continue to pray and practice, this transition from bad to good will continue and continue to progress. I will never be perfect. I am human after all. I’m happy with that.

No longer a closed book

Gratitude List 25/04/2018

I often hear the importance of H.O.W – honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. And rightly so. Today I am very aware of how vital the ‘O’ is.

Open-mindedness is receptiveness to new ideas. Open-mindedness relates to the way in which people approach the views and knowledge of others, and “incorporate the beliefs that others should be free to express their views and that the value of others’ knowledge should be recognized.”

It’s hardly surprising that part of the definition of narrow-mindedness is having or showing a prejudiced mind, not receptive to new ideas; having a closed mind.

In the past I have been so narrow-minded, it was like living in a forcefield protected tunnel with zero light at the end of it. As far as other’s views and opinions were concerned I was a closed book. With this type of thinking and living I was faced with little to no opportunities, heavily biased choices and a very slim chance of change.

Since learning how to open up I have rid much and gained much too. The below are by no means perfect or complete but they are progressing in the right way:

Rid of self-will, gained a belief in a higher power.

Rid of tunnel-vision, gained an appreciation of the universe.

Rid of self-management, gained a recovery program.

Rid of intolerance, gained consideration and understanding.

Rid of projection, gained faith.

Rid of surpression, gained sharing. (H)

Rid of judgement, gained acceptance.

Rid of ego, gained humility.

Rid of desire, gained gratitude.

Rid of ‘wait to talk’, gained the ability to listen.

Rid of ‘I’m always right’, gained ‘I can learn from my wrongs.’

Rid of fear, gained serenity.

Rid of isolation, gained connection.

Rid of the bondage of self, gained the opportunity to be willing. (W)

Without open-mindedness, none of the above would be happening. That’s how important it is to me.