Shorter Lived

Gratitude List 11/06/2018

Wow I used to drag things on. For years and years if I really felt aggrieved, and not just for myself, for others too. I clung unto things for so long I could quite easily have tens of problems spinning around in my head. Not only would they spin but they would intensify too. It genuinely would be non-stop, how I slept I have no idea.

A friend in recovery used to share ‘I think less’ and now I understand what she meant. The tools I have gathered have allowed me to ‘nip things in the bud’ and free my mind. I now have:

– shorter lived expectations.

– shorter lived resentments.

– shorter lived intolerance.

– shorter lived arguments.

– shorter lived frustration.

– shorter lived isolation.

– shorter lived self pity.

– shorter lived fears.

– shorter lived hate.

Due to their short life they don’t have enough time to intensify. What am I left with? Peace of mind more of the time.



Gratitude List 10/06/2018

Met with my dad today. Just me, him and a long overdue conversation. A conversation that if it weren’t for the recovery program and my sponsor, wouldn’t have gone so well, actually I doubt very much it would have happened at all.

Today I am grateful….

– For being honest regarding the harm I had caused him,

– For apologising it took me so long to forgive him,

– For how forgiving he was,

– For not even coming close to making the meet up all about me,

– For the time we spent together,

– For our tolerance,

– For getting to know him and his childhood better. I hardly knew anything about him,

– For our relationship which is growing in strength,

– For his health,

– For our love.


Gratitude List 09/06/2018

On 16th February 2017 I embarked on a life changing journey, when I signed a contract agreeing to go to any lengths for my recovery. To say my life has turned around is an understatement. My new life still shocks me daily (in a good way). I can’t believe how lucky I am.

Today I am grateful for…

– My illness that led me to the program. Being grateful for this, shows how miraculous the program is.
– Alcoholics Anonymous who I intiated the program.
– The thousands of people before me who have completed the program, shared the experience, strength and hope, and handed it over freely to thousands of others.
– The privilege and honour to hand it over myself.
– The thousands of others who have resisted to change the program.
– The knowledge that if I ever deviate, the recovery program and the people living it, are there waiting for me to return.
– For seeing others embark on their own journey of recovery, safe in the knowledge that our generation will be there for the next.
– For guiding me to my higher power.
– The miracles I have experienced.
– Albeit just a ripple in a wide ocean I am grateful to be part of the miracle. Part of my life’s purpose.



Gratitude List 08/06/2018

A day off work today and on my own. I’ve already detailed before how my day would’ve panned out in the past, so I won’t bore you with the destructive details again. Today was a great day and as I reflect on it I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

– First I woke up. Yes I woke up. My first of many blessings.

– Secondly, I ate (blessing) a healthy (blessing) breakfast.

– Then I got in my car (blessing).

– I met with two good friends (blessings) who are still (blessing) my good friends despite my past.

– We spent over 3 hours playing (blessing) golf on a beautiful course (blessing) in perfect weather (blessing).

– My ability hadn’t completely left me (blessing).

– The birds (blessing) were in full voice (blessing). The trees (blessing) were stunning (blessing) . The cut grass smelt great (blessing).

– We had a great time (blessing).

– I then attended my daughter’s school (blessing) and watched her dance and sing. Several lumps in my throat!!

– I got to see her beautiful happy smile (blessing)!

– I got to give her a bonus kiss (blessing) and cuddle (blessing) on a day I wouldn’t normally see her (blessing).

– Once home, I washed, got changed (another two simple blessings).

– Now I am on my way to meet my amazing girlfriend (blessing), who still loves me (blessing), to support her (blessing) and spent some quality time with her (blessing).

Beacons of light

Gratitude List 07/06/2018

Every morning, without fail, I am greeted by an inspiring message of positivity and good will. The essence of these messages is to be the best person possible, a beacon of light, and that our subsequent aura is a positive influence to those we come into contact with. I am extremely grateful for these messages as they motivate me each day to do exactly that.

What I haven’t really realised or appreciated until this morning is I am one of those blessed people who come into contact with these beacons of light. Every day I come into contact with people who are angels in their own right. I will never be able to acknowledge them all, as now I think about it, there are so many.

– Those who take the time to share messages of experience, strength and hope.

– Those who always smile.

– Those who give me encouragement.

– Those who are incredibly loving.

– Those who constantly show acts of kindness.

– Those who can say sorry.

– Those who show forgiveness.

– Those who display good morales.

– Those who are humbly honest.

– Those who do service.

– Those who connect.

– Those who are serene, brave and wise.

– Those who beam recovery.

How lucky am I!!

Where I’ve come from

Gratitude List 06/06/2018

‘Never forget where you’ve come from.’

It can be easy for me to harshly judge myself on where I think I should be in terms of my recovery. I can sometimes resent someone else’s recovery because I haven’t got what they do have. These expectations I carry weigh me down, put me in a negative frame of mind and subsequently I don’t feel particularly motivated to do any work on myself. One way I can increase my positivity, is to remind myself of where I have come from and give myself a pat on the back. Not surprisingly, the positivity breeds action.

I must er on the side of caution that I do not use ‘where I have come from’ as an excuse to take my foot off the pedal. Sure I don’t want to give myself a hard time but the idea is to use the positivity to act and push on one day at a time.

So today I am grateful I have come from:

– the point of losing my girlfriend,

– the brink of bankruptcy,

– risking contact with my children,

– losing the last bit of trust I had,

– the growing possibility of insanity,

– risking my job and liberty,

– the depths of my illness,

– a life dictated by fear, resentment and dishonesty,

Fear, a dictator

Gratitude List 05/06/2018

My life used to run on fear. It fuelled my thinking, decisions and actions. So much so, I had absolutely no idea I was being dictated by fear, not until my honest inventory last year.

When reviewing my day I asked myself if I was afraid? It’s a beautiful thing to answer ‘no’. Especially when yesterday was a typical day where my fear would have thrived. So today I am grateful….

– I didn’t fear being late.

– I didn’t fear being honest about what I was doing or where I was.

– I didn’t fear being caught out.

– I didn’t fear reaction.

– I didn’t fear not being able to people please.

– I didn’t fear letting people down.

– I didn’t fear consequences created by my imagination.