Life and My Life

Gratitude List 25/03/2018

Today I am grateful for life and for my life. The fact my heart is beating and the fact I have all I need to be happy. Yes, there are things I would like, but those desires do not currently affect my serenity or happiness. Does that mean I am happy with what I have? Am I sincerely content? I believe so.

I currently have an amazing girlfriend and two amazing children.

I currently have a close family who I get to see regularly.

I currently have a great, supportive network of friends.

I currently have a flat that feels like home.

I currently have a job which I enjoy.

I currently earn enough money to pay the bills, buy food, clear my debts (slowly), buy gifts when required to do so, and occasionally treat a loved one.

I and the vast majority of people I know are currently in good health.

I currently have accepted and learnt from the past.

I currently have hope for the future.

I have added the word ‘currently’ to each gratitude as each one could potentially be taken away from me. I can’t imagine life without any of the above, so whilst they are there I will never forget to appreciate them.

Lucky Man!

Gratitude List 24/03/2018

Do I want my old life back? I suppose it depends on what life I go back to. Sure, I would love to go back to the joy and innocence of my childhood. But would I like the self-created stress served up during my 20’s and 30’s? In short, probably not. Despite the destruction I caused during those years, I am very lucky to have not lost the following….

My relationships.

My family.

My girlfriend.

My children.

My Friends.

My job.

My home.

My health.

My sanity.

My freedom.

No longer Emotionally Numb

Gratitude List 22/03/2018

Snapped at my daughter this morning. It could’ve been labelled as parenting, but importantly, I felt it was an overreaction. On the positive side, it was over quickly and I was just as quick to apologise and give her a cuddle. I believe, I was able to make this amends there and then because I instantly felt the guilt and also the overwhelming love. In the past, when faced with similar day-to-day situations I was likely to drag it on and on. Why? Because, amongst other things, I was emotionally numb. Today I am hugely grateful that I am more in touch with my emotions.

I feel guilt when I do something wrong.

I laugh when something is funny.

I can cry when something is sad.

I miss my kids and my girlfriend when I am not with them.

I appreciate every second when I am.

I am happy for other people.

I am proud of others.

I love more.

I have more hope.

I am more grateful. More blessed.

Peaceful Traffic?

Gratitude List 21/03/2018

Currently sitting in stand still London traffic trying to head from North to South in rush hour. Not the greatest decision I’ve made but it needed to be done. I am not a fan of traffic. A good time to reflect on gratitude….

ACDC rocking on the radio.

The effort I’ve made, I’ve been procrastinating this for weeks.

That I’m not involved in the accident reported up ahead.

Now James Bays new song! Very Strokesy.

Beautiful blue skies.

That I did plan for potential traffic and therefore I’m in no rush…. Yet!

Being warm enough I can have the window down. Has Spring arrived?

Not sure who sings this one but it goes ‘oooh here she comes…. she’s a maneater…’

Time to relax and reflect.


Gratitude List 20/03/2018

As well as appreciating what I have, I am also grateful for the things I don’t have. This little twist on my gratitudes remind me of how far I have come in my own personal recovery. Each of the below refer to things I have either experienced or been very close to doing so. Today I am grateful….

I am not in so much pain.

I am not living in denial.

I am not wearing my multiple dishonest masks.

I am not suffering alone.

I am not on my own (there’s a difference).

I am not elsewhere.

I am not wasting money.

I am not wasting time.

I am not risking my liberty.

I am not homeless.

I am not jobless.

I am not in a hospital.