Gratitude List 06/06/2019: Transformation

Gratitude List 06/06/2019

Sometimes an experience really highlights how far I’ve come. Rewind a bit and this particular experience would have led to:

– having and instant resentment and a reaction of frustration, arrogance and judgement.
– a phonecall where I would’ve made things much worse.
– me lying awake thinking about all the things I should’ve said and all the proving points I should’ve put across.
– my subsequent mood effecting the loved ones around me who have nothing to do with it.
– an emotional hangover where I wished I hadn’t acted the way I did, whilst simultaneously justifying it.

Today I am grateful my experience wasn’t like the above but instead went something like this….

– first of all, the resentment itself wasn’t too strong – tolerance, consideration, understanding, humility and forgiveness had already kicked into action.
– there seemed to be a buffer in time between the harm and my reaction allowing myself to stay calm and composed.
– I didn’t call and make things worse, guidance came from within to wait until the morning.
– I slept peacefully.
– I awoke in a serene place, no hangover to contend with. Said my prayers asking how I can be of best use to those in my life.
– before I had a chance to call, the call came to me. I let them speak, they said what was needed. I didn’t need to rub it in.
– there was no expectation of an apology. It didn’t come completely. That’s their inventory not mine.

Today I am grateful, as a result:

– I am heading to work with a smile on my face and peace of mind.
– I haven’t made things worse.
– I haven’t made another feel like s**t. My ego could have easily done so.
– I remain connected to both the programme and my greater power which together continue to work miracles.

Today I am grateful for all the things that have made this transformation possible – see yesterday’s list – Not Mine

😊💪🏻🙏🏻👍🏻❤

Gratitude List 04/06/2019: Uncomfortable zone?

Gratitude List 04/06/2019

Today I am grateful I can ask for help.

Today I am grateful I can offer help.

Today I am grateful I can pick up my phone and call.

Today I am grateful I can pray and meditate.

Today I am grateful I can go to the gym.

Today I am grateful I can put pen to paper.

Today I am grateful I can do as I’m asked.

Today I am grateful I can be honest.

Today I am grateful I can admit when I’m wrong.

Today I am grateful I can forgive when harmed.

Today I am grateful I can say no.

The above are a list of things that I find uncomfortable to do. None are within my comfort zone. Too achieve any of them I have had to step out of that zone, show some willingness and put in some diligent effort. After months and months of repetition, some of them are now habitual, some of them I thoroughly enjoy. Every single one of them though is good for me, so why is it I have to step out of my comfort zone to do them?

What I’ve come to realise is this, paradoxically I’m actually stepping out of the ‘uncomfortable’ zone of an addicts mind. An uncomfortable zone that holds me prisoner and stops me progressing. All the things above are spiritually good for me, they shouldn’t be things I resist doing. Too many times have I put these things off again and again to my own detriment. No more.

This slight change of mindset has made these suggestions more appealing to me. In short, my comfort zone is bloody uncomfortable, so I need to get out as often as I can!

Gratitude List 29/05/2019: Again and again

Gratitude List 29/05/2019

Again and again.

A very thought provoking piece of writing that was shared yesterday, made me think of all the things I currently do to acknowledge and respect my powerlessness over certain things. The idea behind it, as I understand, is by taking on specific actions I am once again admitting my powerlessness over my compulsions. And these humbling acts can be the difference between me staying clean and me ‘acting out’. For each one I am very grateful.

Today I am grateful for picking up the phone and calling my sponsor. By doing so I am asking for help, admitting again and again that I am powerless over my addictions and that my life is unmanageable.

Today I am grateful for writing this list. By doing so I am practicing gratitude, admitting again and again that I am powerless over my addictions and that my life is unmanageable.

Today I am grateful for reading some recovery based literature. By doing so I am learning more and more, admitting again and again that I am powerless over my addictions and that my life is unmanageable.

Today I am grateful for completing a daily inventory. By doing so I am having an honest and fair look at myself, admitting again and again that I am powerless over my addictions and that my life is unmanageable.

Today I am grateful for calling two members. By doing so I am uniting with fellows, admitting again and again that I am powerless over my addictions and that my life is unmanageable.

Today I am grateful for prayer. By doing so I am handing my will over to my greater power, asking for His guidance and strength, admitting again and again that I am powerless over my addictions and that my life is unmanageable.

Today I am grateful for meditation. By doing so I am taking the time to improve my conscious contact with my greater power while I open up my heart and mind to Him, admitting again and again that I am powerless over my addictions and that my life is unmanageable.

Today I am grateful for attending meetings. By doing so I am practicing unity, hearing and sharing what I need to, as well as contributing to the welfare of the meeting and the fellowship as a whole, admitting again and again that I am powerless over my addictions and that my life is unmanageable.

Today I am grateful for working the steps in my daily life. By doing so I am changing who I am, admitting again and again that I am powerless over my addictions and that my life is unmanageable.

Today I am grateful for taking on service. By doing so I am being selfless as I think of others, admitting again and again that I am powerless over my addictions and that my life is unmanageable.

Gratitude List 21/05/2019: WILL

Gratitude List 21/05/2019

Today I am grateful I am, to the best of my ability, doing all I can to be the best father I can possibly be.

Today I am grateful I am, to the best of my ability, doing all I can to be the best son I can possibly be.

Today I am grateful I am, to the best of my ability, doing all I can to be the best brother I can possibly be.

Today I am grateful I am, to the best of my ability, doing all I can to be the best boyfriend I can possibly be.

Today I am grateful I am, to the best of my ability, doing all I can to be the best friend I can possibly be.

Today I am grateful I am, to the best of my ability, doing all I can to be the best member of the community I can possibly be.

Today I am grateful I am, to the best of my ability, doing all I can to be the best colleague I can possibly be.

Today I am grateful I am, to the best of my ability, doing all I can to be the best fellow I can possibly be.

Today I am grateful I am, to the best of my ability, doing all I can to be the best version of me.

Today I am grateful I am aware that to be the best version and live a life beyond my wildest dreams, full of happiness, serenity and success, I need only focus on one thing – recovery.

From experience…

if I try to be the best father I WON’T.

if I try to be the best fellow I WON’T.

if I try to be happy I WON’T.

But….

if I hand over my life to a Greater Power

if I do my daily suggestions

if I complete and then work the steps

if I practice unity

if I serve others

I WILL grow spiritually and I WILL give myself the best possible chance.

Gratitude List 10/05/2019: Unity Recovery Service

Gratitude List 10/05/2019

Unity Recovery Service

The three pillars of the solution. Each pillar is as vital as the other. They rely on each other. Each of them need solid foundations and daily maintenance. If one pillar weakens and is left to rot, then castle G will surely collapse.

Today I am grateful for attending meetings. Sharing, relating, learning, and practicing the traditions. Unity.

Today I am grateful for connecting with fellows outside the of the meetings. Calls, coffees and bowling. Unity.

Today I am grateful for uniting with all the groups I belong to – family, friends, work colleagues, the community, the human race, nature, life! Unity.

Today I am grateful for the 12 Step Program. Acceptance, open-mindedness, willingness, belief, honesty, humility, faith, amends, more honesty, spirituality, selflessness, service. Recovery.

Today I am grateful for working the steps in my daily life to the best of my ability. Using the tools gained. Recovery.

Today I am grateful for sponsorship. Guidance, wisdom, letting go, support, the message. Recovery.

Today I am grateful for the daily suggestions. Gratitude, connection, prayer, meditation, literature and an honest inventory. Recovery.

Today I am grateful for service positions. Teas, setting up, literature, treasury, GSR, secretary, chairs, extended shares. Service.

Today I am grateful for picking up the phone. Helping the newcomer, those struggling or simply connecting with another. Service.

Today I am grateful for passing on the message. Giving back what was once freely given. Service.

Gratitude List 08/04/2019: Dealing with Fear

Gratitude List 08/04/2019

A great day yesterday full of happiness and serenity surrounded a 15 minute period of fear. Fear is crippling. Whilst in existence, fear can take away that happiness and serenity and replace it with projection, worry and concern. Thankfully, the Recovery Program has given me several tools which allow me to best deal with fear.

My list today relates to these tools. Tools that I lived the majority of my adult life without. Yesterday’s fear was small in comparison to others I have had to deal with and I didn’t need to use all the tools listed below. But even the smallest fears can have a negative effect on my spiritual well-being, so knowing how to rid myself of them is a beautiful thing.

Today I am grateful that through experience I can safely say that fears are rarely what I build them up to be. ‘What was I worried about?’ is often the arising question when reality actually plays its part.

Today I am grateful I am aware of the simple fact that my greater power doesn’t wish fear on me. Therefore, my self-will must have taken the reigns. From that awareness, reconnection to my greater power is essential.

Today I am grateful I have a specific prayer I can utilise in order to hand over any fears that enter my mind. No matter the fear, letting go is an action I can always do. Quite simply, it can be that easy.

Today I am grateful I can close my eyes and meditate in order to connect further and await my greater power’s guidance. The connection takes me out of self-mode. The guidance will invariably lead to further action.

Today I am grateful I can pick up the phone and talk to somebody. Sharing is so helpful with regards to fear. One thing I know for sure – trying to surpress them doesn’t work.

Today I am grateful I can write about it. There is some unexplained magic in getting things down on paper but the simple process means I am admitting the fear to myself. I’m acknowledging it’s existence instead of denying it.

Today I am grateful I can recognise and accept fears that I have no control over. Most of these are either future based or based on the actions of others. Fully accepting there is nothing I can do goes a long way.

Today I am grateful there are times when I can take action. Action that will relieve the fear somewhat – being honest with someone for example or going to the doctors to get checked out. Faith without works dies. My greater power won’t do something I can do myself.

Today I am grateful for the self knowledge I have gained over the last couple of years or so. Knowing Who I Am along with some knowledge of fear itself means I know what to look out for and what part of me played it’s part.

Today I am grateful for the pages within the Big Book that speak of fear. Like the rest of the book, the words make sense to me. I can relate to them entirely. Knowing I’m not alone is vital.

Today I am grateful for the many experiences which have proved the above tools work! Each success adds to the faith I have in their ability to squash fear and return me to serene state of mind.

Gratitude List 16/03/2019: The Right Direction

Gratitude List 16/03/2019

Today I have started the day on the right foot. One positive thing has led to another and it’s no surprise that I continued to step in the right direction. So far, today is a good day.

Today I am grateful to wake up and say my prayers.

Today I am grateful for the reflection of the day.

Today I am grateful for connecting with my sponsor.

Today I am grateful for being honest.

Today I am grateful for the healthy breakfast.

Today I am grateful I did some things I had procrastinated.

Today I am grateful I went to the gym.

Today I am grateful I am doing this list.

Each action has fed in to the next. After this list I will meditate. After that, some more connection with family, friends and fellows. At the same time I am growing spiritually either through improving my conscious contact with God or through the practicing of spiritual principles.