“Can we have a chat later?”

This morning I was greeted with that dreaded question…

“Can we have a chat later?”

This is never good news, is it?

Based on personal experience, no, it is not good news. What have I done wrong now? What faults are she going to bring up? What situations can I bring to the table to counter hers? These are just a few of the questions that would be spinning around my head in the meantime. That is if I allowed it to be delayed till ‘later’. Normally, I would insist that she said what she needed to say immediately. Why should I be made to wait and suffer?

Well today, I am grateful to have not reacted this way. How I’ve reacted goes to show how far recovery has taken me.

These are just a few of my thoughts…

– This is probably an opportunity for her to get things off her chest and share how she is feeling. Something I am blessed to do several times a week at meetings.

– This could be an opportunity for me to listen and learn from whatever she has to say. Another chance to progress.

– This could be an opportunity for me to practice strengths of character like tolerance, patience, consideration, love and humility.

– This could be another opportunity for me to make amends if I have caused any harm.

– This is an opportunity for me to use the ‘meantime’ to pray and meditate and prepare myself spiritually, rather than acting on impulse (self).

– This could be an opportunity for her to bear witness to my difficulties being removed and see God’s power shine through.

– This is another opportunity for me to accept the things I cannot change and have the courage to change the things I can.

– This is another opportunity for me to let go and live life on life’s terms.

There is nothing for me to fear. Furthermore, when reality plays out, there is rarely anything to fear in the first place.

In any case, wish me luck 😉

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Gratitude List 16/06/2019: Father’s Day

Gratitude List 16/06/2019

Today being today, it is quite apt to speak about how recovery has improved the relationship between my dad and I. For over two decades I resented my dad. I had dealt with that resentment by simply surpressing my feelings and emotions. The resentment never lessened, it just festered inside. Our contact was limited and for the majority, I only ever instigated contact so I could manipulate the situation and use it to my financial advantage.

Today I am grateful I admitted my life had been unmanageable including how I managed this resentment.

Today I am grateful I found some humility through gaining a belief in a power greater than myself. With this humility I was able to look at my past mistakes.

Today I am grateful that although I wasn’t directly involved in the cause, I learnt that I could’ve done better when it comes to dealing with the resentment since it was caused.

Today I am grateful I realised that when it comes to justified resentments I can still forgive. Forgiveness works.

Today I am grateful I have a greater power to which I can hand over any defects of character that stand in the way of my usefulness to my dad. This includes but is not exhausted to dishonesty, anger, hate, arrogance, intolerance, inconsideration….

Today I am grateful I can think of my dad and walk a mile in his shoes. I realised the harm I had caused him since. By doing this, it helped me become willing to make amends to him.

Today I am grateful I am able to make amends. I can let him release his feelings and emotions. I can sincerely ask for his forgiveness and genuinely ask how I can make things better.

Today I am grateful I had prayer and meditation to utilise before I met with my dad in the early days of recovery. Handing my life and will over just before meeting him really helped.

Today I am grateful I can carry the message to my dad. By being the best version of myself he may witness the power of recovery through the law of attraction.

Today I am grateful our relationship has blossomed beyond belief. It is completely different to what it was a few years ago. Contact is regular and time spent together is full of happiness and laughter. I have come to cherish each moment. Not a bad word, nor a bad thought. I have been able to truly forgive and love him – not forgetting to tell him as often as I can. In fact I remember telling him I loved him for the first time in ages. I truly meant it and still do.