Gratitude List 06/02/2019: My purpose in life

Gratitude List 06/02/2019

Gratitude List 06/02/2019

For so long did I get up each day and just exist. Wander around, do what was expected of me, feed my compulsions, sleep and repeat. I had zero purpose, no goals, no aims and no ambition. Today I am grateful I have found my purpose in life. As the days go by, my purpose in life evolves and progresses alongside my recovery.

Today I am grateful I intend to go out and be the best person I can be.

To seek gratitude at all times, even during difficulties.

To do what is morally right.

To listen to people when they speak.

To remain teachable and open-minded.

To work as hard as I can.

To put in the diligent effort.

To love as much as I can.

To serve and give back to those who have helped me.

To do my bit for the unity. To connect with the people in my life.

To work the program to the best of my abilities.

To use tolerance and consideration when behaviours go against my values.

To be aware and honest with my own behaviours and action, promptly admitting when I’m wrong.

To set a good example to my children.

To improve my conscious contact with God as I understand Him.

To pass on the same message of recovery that was freely given to me.

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Gratitude List 30/01/2019: ‘I can’t. We can.’

Gratitude List 30/01/2019

‘I can’t. We can.’

I have no idea of the science behind unity or whether there is any. But what is absolutely certain, is it works. Unity is empowering. Through unity I have been able to do things I could never do by myself, no matter how hard I tried, no matter what promises I made, no matter what lives I swore on.

All I have to do to practice unity is complete some simple actions. I can attend meetings with like minded fellows, share my experience, express how I am feeling, listen and relate to others, make phonecalls and meet up. When I look at each individual action, why is it I can gain power through unity? Should listening to someone give me power? Should sitting in a room full of like minded people give me power? I can’t see why they should, but they do!! Not just a bit of power, we are talking about an abundance of power which overpowers my compulsion to my illness. Something I am completely powerless over. Fellowships and their meetings have often been described as being magic and I truly believe that.

Unity, through doing some simple achievable actions has given me power. This power didn’t emulate from myself, but from the unity of the fellowship. If I can gain power from unity then I can gain even more through another greater power that can’t be explained? God perhaps.

Today I am grateful you guys and gals.

Gratitude List 27/01/2019: The Jaywalker

Gratitude List 27/01/2019

Last night served up a reminder of one of the many stories that helped my recovery. Almost 2 years ago, I began to go through the Big Book. I don’t have a drinking problem (yet) but it made no difference at all that the book was initially written for the alcoholic. By simply substituting one word to another I could relate to the contents almost 100%. The words are magic to me and played a huge role in changing my life. Today I am grateful for this amazing text. Text that, despite there being 4 editions, has been left untouched (bar the experiences shared in the back) for 90 years. Today I would like to share the story of the Jaywalker. This story helped me understand that all addictions share huge similarities, and therefore share one solution.

“Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking. He gets a thrill out of skipping in front of fast-moving vehicles. He enjoys himself for a few years in spite of friendly warnings. Up to this point you would label him as a foolish chap having queer ideas of fun. Luck then deserts him and he is slightly injured several times in succession. You would expect him, if he were normal, to cut it out. Presently he is hit again and this time has a fractured skull. Within a week after leaving the hospital a fast-moving trolley car breaks his arm. He tells you he has decided to stop jay-walking for good, but in a few weeks he breaks both legs.”

“On through the years this conduct continues, accompanied by his continual promises to be careful or to keep off the streets altogether. Finally, he can no longer work, his wife gets a divorce and he is held up to ridicule. He tries every known means to get the jaywalking idea out of his head. He shuts himself up in an asylum, hoping to mend his ways. But the day he comes out he races in front of a fire engine, which breaks his back. Such a man would be crazy, wouldn’t he?”

“You may think our illustration is too ridiculous. But is it? We, who have been through the wringer, have to admit if we substituted alcoholism or any addiction for jay-walking, the illustration would fit exactly. However intelligent we may have been in other respects, where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane. It’s strong language but isn’t it true?”

Gratitude List 26/01/2019: Exactly where I should be

Gratitude List 26/01/2019

What if Bill’s brother-in-law took him to a different hospital? One without Dr Silkworth?

What if Rowland and Celebra went to the wrong court house?

What if Bill never answered that call from Ebby?

What if Bill wasn’t compelled to help another alcoholic in Dr Bob?

What if the fellowship didn’t publish the Big Book?

What if there wasn’t a chance meeting in January 1957?

What if the publicity by a prominent newspaper columnist and TV commentator wasn’t favourable?

What if GA decided not to use the 12 Step Program derived from AA?

What if my friends had lent me the money I begged for?

What if ‘Question 20’ was more than just a fleeting thought?

What if I didn’t attend the meeting when I heard that strong message? When the coin finally dropped?

What if my now sponsor wasn’t present to witness my desperation?

I am where I am today because of everything that has happened. The above situations are just a few that have led me to recovery. If just one went differently I may not be enjoying life as much as I am right now. I might still be in action. Furthermore, outside of recovery, millions of scenarios, good and bad, have played out and each one has had a bearing on my current circumstances. I truly believe I am exactly where I should be, doing exactly what I should be doing.

Today I am grateful for my past and where it has taken me.