Chalk and Cheese

This is very relevant to my life at the moment so I thought I’d share my experience of Step 2 – “Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

“Came to believe…” This is exactly what happened to me. Through the humbling of Step 1 and reading the first few chapters of the Big Book, I came to believe. There was no existing belief beforehand, in fact, I almost resented the idea on the basis it was ridiculous, a sign of weakness and lack of self-will. It was comforting to know I didn’t need the belief before I embarked on the 12 Step Program.

“… in a power greater than ourselves…” The admission of my powerlessness over my illness and the the fact I had done an awful job at managing my life, gave me the necessary humility to accept and come to believe there are many things more powerful than I. For me it was that simple. The fact I am not the most powerful thing means there is an abundance of things that are. When I get on my knees and pray, this is what’s going through my mind. Simple humility.

“….could restore us to sanity.” Wait a minute! Not only do I have to believe in a power greater than myself, but I have to believe this power can influence me enough to restore sanity?? Despite my initial reservations, my experience has proved this can be quite simple. To start with, one of the main reasons I started this journey of recovery is because I wanted the apparent serenity I could see in others. If the programme, which includes a belief in a greater power, can work for them, why can’t it work for me too? Who am I to say it won’t? That was enough for me to get started. Since then, my belief has progressed and evolved into faith. How? Simply through experience. On a daily basis, when I feel connected to my greater power, I am a different person. I am calmer, I talk lower, I am at peace, I am a good listener, I appreciate the small things. When I am running on self will I am in a rush, I obsess over food, I am resentful, I am fearful, I am angry, I am selfish. Like chalk and cheese. Like black and white. It is as clear as night and day if I am running on self will or a greater power’s will. So, do I believe a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? Most definitely.

Chalk and Cheese

This is very relevant to my life at the moment so I thought I’d share my experience of Step 2 – “Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

“Came to believe…” This is exactly what happened to me. Through the humbling of Step 1 and reading the first few chapters of the Big Book, I came to believe. There was no existing belief beforehand, in fact, I almost resented the idea on the basis it was ridiculous, a sign of weakness and lack of self-will. It was comforting to know I didn’t need the belief before I embarked on the 12 Step Program.

“… in a power greater than ourselves…” The admission of my powerlessness over my illness and the the fact I had done an awful job at managing my life, gave me the necessary humility to accept and come to believe there are many things more powerful than I. For me it was that simple. The fact I am not the most powerful thing means there is an abundance of things that are. When I get on my knees and pray, this is what’s going through my mind. Simple humility.

“….could restore us to sanity.” Wait a minute! Not only do I have to believe in a power greater than myself, but I have to believe this power can influence me enough to restore sanity?? Despite my initial reservations, my experience has proved this can be quite simple. To start with, one of the main reasons I started this journey of recovery is because I wanted the apparent serenity I could see in others. If the programme, which includes a belief in a greater power, can work for them, why can’t it work for me too? Who am I to say it won’t? That was enough for me to get started. Since then, my belief has progressed and evolved into faith. How? Simply through experience. On a daily basis, when I feel connected to my greater power, I am a different person. I am calmer, I talk lower, I am at peace, I am a good listener, I appreciate the small things. When I am running on self will I am in a rush, I obsess over food, I am resentful, I am fearful, I am angry, I am selfish. Like chalk and cheese. Like black and white. It is as clear as night and day if I am running on self will or a greater power’s will. So, do I believe a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? Most definitely.

Gratitude List 21/06/2019: Open-mindedness

Gratitude List 21/06/2019

Open-mindedness

Today I am grateful I once Googled what open-mindedness meant and quickly realised I was anything but.

Today I am grateful for all the ways I have been able to practice open-mindedness since.

Today I am grateful I can practice by allowing others to express their views.

Today I am grateful I can practice by tolerating and accepting the views and knowledge of others.

Today I am grateful I can practice by being receptive to new ideas.

Today I am grateful I can practice by recognising the values of another, even if it goes against my own.

Today I am grateful I can practice by putting aside my own self-will in order to fairly and impartially listen to another.

Today I am grateful I can practice by simply doing what someone else suggests, especially when I don’t want to.

Today I am grateful I can practice by remembering that my old closed-mindedness never did me any good.

Today I am grateful I can remember ‘Who Am I to say otherwise?’

Gratitude List 01/05/2019: I will still…

Gratitude List 01/05/2019

Sometimes things don’t go to plan. It would be easy for me to think ‘Why bother? What’s the point?’

Today I am grateful I don’t think like that at all. Instead I feel the importance of the program more than ever before.

Today I am grateful I still have faith and I will still get on my knees and pray.

Today I am grateful I still feel humble and want guidance and strength from a power greater than I. I will still sit silently, meditate and listen.

Today I am grateful I still see the importance of Unity and I will still reach out and connect with other fellows.

Today I am grateful I still feel supported (not alone) and I will still call my sponsor to get things off my chest.

Today I am grateful I still want to feel inspired and motivated and I will still read some recovery based literature.

Today I am grateful I still desire spiritual growth and I will still practice honesty when I do my inventory this evening.

Today I am grateful I still have gratitude and I will still complete this list.

Gratitude List 01/03/2019: ‘A leap of faith’

Gratitude List 01/03/2019

‘A leap of faith’

To me, ‘a leap of faith’ is a step into the unknown. To let go and see what happens. To trust in something Today I am grateful I listened. intangible. To trust in a power out of my control.

My list today reflects on all the defining moments within my recovery where I have taken a leap of faith. Some of these moments were forced upon me, some I was guided towards, some were due to a conscious thought of ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’

Today I am grateful I walked into the rooms.

Today I am grateful I tried to be open-minded.

Today I am grateful I shared my story.

Today I am grateful I gave service.

Today I am grateful I accepted help.

Today I am grateful I made an effort.

Today I am grateful I did what was asked.

Today I am grateful I surrendered.

Today I am grateful I let go of the manageability.

Today I am grateful I became willing to believe.

Today I am grateful I gave my life over to a power greater than myself.

Today I am grateful I faced the past.

Today I am grateful I handed over my fear.

Today I am grateful I made amends.

Today I am grateful I passed on the message.

Today I am grateful I was honest.

Today I am grateful I accepted.

Today I am grateful I listened.

Today I am grateful I chose to tolerate.

Today I am grateful I bit my lip.

Today I am grateful I forgave.

Today I am grateful I made that call.

Today I am grateful I got on my knees.

Today I am grateful I meditated.

None of the above came natural to me. None were in my make up as a person. None made up my DNA. But all of them are now. Each time I took a leap of faith the results were better than I could ever imagine. This gave me the strength and desire to leap again and again. As the results continued to be positive, the faith I was leaping for in the first place, grew in strength. Today I am grateful for my faith.