Gratitude for Gratitude

As I’ve previously mentioned, I have decided to not post my daily gratitude list anymore. In doing so, I have to admit, that my gratitude lists have become more authentic.

It’s not that I ever listed something I was not grateful for, but what I wrote was influenced by the simple knowledge that I was posting it for others to read. What I realised, is that I began to write lists to be of service to others and carry a message of recovery. I also took into consideration how someone might react to certain things and would therefore be careful about what I wrote and how I wrote it.

Neither ‘being of service’ or ‘consideration for others’ are bad, in fact they are two things I thrive for on a daily basis. But despite my good intentions, they did have an effect on what I wrote and therefore my gratitude wasn’t always entirely authentic. I can continue to be of service to others and continue to use consideration, but in other ways.

I have also come to realise that ‘people pleasing’ had a huge part to play in this. If I didn’t suffer from people pleasing then my gratitude lists would have stayed true. They wouldn’t have been swayed in the way they were. Again, wanting to please people is not a bad thing, unless by doing so it effects my own recovery, and through tainting my gratitude lists, it had.

Today I am grateful that my gratitude contains gratitude and nothing else.

Gratitude for gratitude.

Gratitude List 25/02/2019: Definition of a Mature Person – Part One

Gratitude List 25/02/2019

l. We accept criticism gratefully, being honestly glad for an opportunity to improve?

Today I am grateful I am learning to accept criticism gratefully. This is not easy, because my default position was to react with arrogance, self-pity, anger and resentment. But I am getting better, I am learning how to deal with my emotions, characteristics and how to let go. Even when criticism does cause me harm, if I manage to bite my lip, I often see the lessons to be learned once the red mist clears.

2. We do not indulge in self-pity and have begun to feel the laws of compensation operating in all life?

Today I am grateful for a huge improvement with regards to self-pity. Sure, it still plays a part in my life but in contrast to what it used to, it’s a million times better. When it comes to ‘the laws of compensation’ (after Googling the meaning) I can safely say I have begun to feel it in my life – it’s very evident in my recovery.

3. We do not expect special consideration from anyone?

Today I am grateful for the progression in this. Early on in my recovery I craved recognition for my abstinence and my efforts. Prior to that I desired sympathy for the difficulties I created. The humility I have gained through the step work has made me realise I am not the arbiter of the universe. I am no more special than my neighbour, I am a being, just like the billions of others.

4. We control our temper?

Today I am grateful for my improved control over my temper. With regards to my girlfriend I feel it has come on tenfolds. I still lose my temper with my kids, but far less often and when I do, at least I have control in a sense of my awareness and desire to keep improving.


Gratitude List 04/02/2019: Continued…

Gratitude List 04/02/2019

Further to yesterday.

I woke this morning feeling a little drained, emotionally drained. Yesterday, I was met with my biggest test yet since being in recovery. Despite the challenge, as time has passed, I have been able to see plenty of positives. That has continued to be the case today and, upon reflection, I am full of gratitude.

Today I am grateful that this challenge has not led to me acting out in a negative way. Who knows what this could’ve led to. Working the program means I was less vulnerable.

Today I am grateful that my humility and consideration overpowered any resentments that briefly came to mind.

Today I am grateful I have been in recovery for the last year. Had I not been, I seriously believe I would be in a very, very dark place today.

Today I am grateful that my reaction has been to carry on as normal – which has been to work the program in my daily life. Being in recovery means that no desperate or drastic changes to my behaviour were necessary.

Today I am grateful I intuitively knew how to deal with this test (that would’ve previously baffled me). On reflection, the tools I have gained through this program were working without any conscience thought of my own. It was a miracle.

Today I am grateful my ego and self-will was not in control. Instead, my greater power carried me through. Under pressure, it would’ve definitely been the other way round. Does this mean my natural behaviour/reactions have changed?

Today I am grateful that this has reinforced my faith in this program and that ‘it works if I work it.’

Today I am grateful for that ‘moment of silence to remind myself why I am here’. I’m here because I need to be!

Today I am grateful I am not alone. Thanks to the honesty I have practiced, I have been able to share this situation with my partner, my fellows and my sponsor. Such a blessing to have this support instead of suffering alone.

Today I am mostly grateful that two people, who I severely harmed in the past, have had some release. They have been suffering and this would have been a big lift for both of them. I pray that my future conduct will assist in further amends.

Gratitude List 03/02/2019: So proud

Gratitude List 03/02/2019

Something big happened today. In fact it happened a while ago but it came to light today. Something I knew was going to happen. It didn’t happened the way I had planned, but now it’s done, I believe it happened the way it was meant to.

Today I am grateful for a particular person. I am very proud of this person’s maturity and forgiveness.

Today I am grateful there was a relief for this person.

I am grateful I was in recovery for the last year.

Today I am grateful I am there for this person.

Today I am grateful I didn’t react with resentment towards another.

Today I am grateful I instead used consideration and understanding.

Today I am grateful I didn’t respond with desperate dishonesty.

Today I am grateful I instead humbly accepted the situation for what it was.

Today I am grateful I am in touch with my emotions. In particular love.

Today I am grateful that this program works!!!