Free from insanity

Free from insanity.

That’s what I have been reminded of today. Don’t get me wrong, I still make some insane decisions that beggars belief. But today’s insanity is nothing in comparison to what my mind could conjure up when I was in action.

Today I am grateful I am free from the following thoughts – thoughts I used to have.

“If have a heart attack, at least I’ll get some sympathy”

“Maybe it would be easier for everyone if I weren’t around”

“Losing my family and becoming homeless wouldn’t be all bad. At least I get to do what I want”

Abstinence from my addiction is one thing, but freedom from insanity is another. Today I am grateful for my health, my family and my home. Life is beautiful and worth living. I desire to make the most of it.

Gratitude List 18/02/2019: Freedom

Gratitude List 18/02/2019

Freedom:

1. the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants.

2. the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.

I can relate to both of these. With regards to how much freedom I have now and how I suffered from not having it in the past.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to choose whether I feed my addiction or not. The insanity of my addiction meant this wasn’t always the case.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to leave a premises. Crazy I know, but there were many times when I simply didn’t have the power to walk out of a door. Imprisoned by my illness.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to act in ways that are good for me. I can enhance my spirituality through simple suggestions. I used to make the simplest suggestion as difficult and complicated so I could justify to myself I didn’t need to do it.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to be honest. My life used to be a lie. It was continuous. Telling the truth meant I’d have to stop…. and I couldn’t.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to think morally. Once riddled with defects, my thinking was stinky.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to think less. Through prayer and meditation I am able to hand my thinking over to a power greater than me. Before, I ruled the universe and my washing machine head could think for me and everyone else too.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to plan my day. I am no longer a slave to my addiction. I was absolutely powerless over its progressive terms. I had to feed it all day, everyday. If I wasn’t acting out I had to think about it. I even had to dream about it.

Today I am grateful that my freedom was only restricted by my addiction and not anything else.