Gratitude List 22/02/2019: Greater Powers

Gratitude List 22/02/2019

I hope this makes sense…. There’s a point in there somewhere…

Came to believe in power greater than myself. The second step in the program and one I used to stumble on.

Step one was far easier – admitting I was powerless over my addiction and that my life had become unmanageable. But by completing step one, hadn’t I already acknowledged a power greater than myself – my addiction? I’m not suggesting that anyone should hand their lives over to their compulsions, that’s what got me into trouble in the first place. But what of the polar opposite – recovery? In my own experience recovery has overpowered my addiction, it is stronger. Therefore the concept of ‘recovery’ can definitely be one of my greater powers. Recovery is a God of my own understanding. Like my addiction, recovery has given me experiences I never thought possible, so making a decision to turn my will over to the concept of ‘recovery’ is an easy choice and one I have faith in.

My addiction is but one of the many things I can struggle with. My life was unmanageable because of them. Each of them can overpower me if my spiritual connection is low. But today I am grateful for the fact that every negative has an opposite which is positive and even more powerful. I am therefore, surrounded by things that are more powerful than me.

Where there’s addiction there is recovery.

Where there is insanity there is sanity.

Where there is fear there is serenity.

Where there is isolation there is unity.

Where there is self there is selfless.

Where there is dishonesty there is sincerity.

Where there is arrogance there is humility.

Where there’s hate there is love.

Where there is a rock bottom there is hope.

Where there is death there is life.

I would happily get down on my knees and pray to any of them. And do it with a faith that help will come.

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Gratitude List 18/02/2019: Freedom

Gratitude List 18/02/2019

Freedom:

1. the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants.

2. the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.

I can relate to both of these. With regards to how much freedom I have now and how I suffered from not having it in the past.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to choose whether I feed my addiction or not. The insanity of my addiction meant this wasn’t always the case.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to leave a premises. Crazy I know, but there were many times when I simply didn’t have the power to walk out of a door. Imprisoned by my illness.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to act in ways that are good for me. I can enhance my spirituality through simple suggestions. I used to make the simplest suggestion as difficult and complicated so I could justify to myself I didn’t need to do it.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to be honest. My life used to be a lie. It was continuous. Telling the truth meant I’d have to stop…. and I couldn’t.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to think morally. Once riddled with defects, my thinking was stinky.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to think less. Through prayer and meditation I am able to hand my thinking over to a power greater than me. Before, I ruled the universe and my washing machine head could think for me and everyone else too.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to plan my day. I am no longer a slave to my addiction. I was absolutely powerless over its progressive terms. I had to feed it all day, everyday. If I wasn’t acting out I had to think about it. I even had to dream about it.

Today I am grateful that my freedom was only restricted by my addiction and not anything else.

Gratitude List 17/02/2019: Not going to miss it!

Gratitude List 17/02/2019

A busy day today, hense the lateness of my gratitude list.

Today I am grateful I will not miss a day of expressing gratitude. Doing these lists have meant so much to me and my recovery.

Today I am grateful for this 10 minutes while the dinner is cooking. If I don’t do my list now, I probably won’t get another chance.

Today I am grateful I am not using these 10 minutes to flick through Facebook or Twitter!!

Today I am grateful I enjoy doing these lists. They are non-negotiable but that’s not why I do them.

Today I am grateful for the gratitude lists I have been sent today. Each of them very inspiring and serene to read.

Today I am grateful that this list is already broadening my smile. After this, its dinner and cuddles with my daughter…. And my son if he allows it!

Gratitude List 16/02/2019: Serenity, More or Less

Gratitude List 16/02/2019

Serenity: the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

Today I am grateful I am more calm when challenged with resentment.

Today I am grateful I am more calm when faced with a fear.

Today I am grateful I am more calm when under pressure.

Today I am grateful my heart is more calm.

Today I am grateful my mind is more peaceful.

Today I am grateful my lifestyle is more peaceful.

Today I am grateful my words, actions and behaviours are more peaceful.

Today I am grateful my nature is more peaceful.

Today I am grateful my days are less troubled.

Today I am grateful the people around me are less troubled.

Today I am grateful the path I am leaving behind is less troubled.

Today I am grateful my eyes are less troubled.

A beautiful way to feel. No wonder I continuously pray for serenity. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Gratitude List 15/02/2019: Defining moments

Gratitude List 15/02/2019

Defining moments.

There have been quite a few defining moments during my recovery.

Today I am grateful my three good friends who declined to lend me money. Initially I was so angry because I knew they had it. Thankfully two of them got together and spoke, one knew a little about addiction and knew the money wouldn’t go to good use.

Today I am grateful for being backed into a corner with no way out. The only way was to come clean. Had there been the slightest of gaps I would’ve got through it and caused even more destruction.

Today I am grateful for the unwarranted understanding and support I was given by so many people I’d harmed so much.

Today I am grateful for the female who decades ago made me aware of the fellowships. From that point on, I knew there was somewhere to go.

Today I am grateful for message of recovery which eventually sunk in through my ego. The realisation that despite some abstinence I hadn’t changed at all. I didn’t like who I was. The problem was me.

Today I am grateful for meeting my now sponsor for the first time and the leap of faith I took. He was there offering a selfless service but my ego wanted me to resist. My gut instinct was to think ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ I took that first step.

Today I am grateful for discovering a willingness to believe in a God of my own understanding. Quite simply, ‘who am I to say there’s no God’.

In hindsight, I can clearly see that these defining moments were acts of my God as I understand Him. I know He’s been with me all the way, doing what He needed to do for me to see the light. Since then I have experienced many other defining moments that Unity, Recovery and Service has brought me.

Gratitude List 10/02/2019: Waking a little low

Gratitude List 10/02/2019

Sometimes I wake up feeling a little low. Feeling like there’s something wrong. Am I in fear? Did I say something the night before, something I’m now regretting?

After a short while I reflect on my life, my day, my fears and my resentments. What I realise is there’s nothing wrong at all. My life is good, I have nothing to fear and I’m not suffering with an emotional hangover.

Maybe I awoke listening to Radio Me and all I needed to do was get on my knees and kick-start another day. Did I wake with the spiritual malady intact?

Whatever it is, I really don’t mind. Today I am grateful I am aware of who I am. I am aware that my life is good and I have a lot to be grateful for. I am aware that this is a daily program. I am aware if I don’t do the necessary suggestions then that spiritual malady can manifest throughout the day. Today I am grateful and aware of what I need to do to quickly turn my day around.

Gratitude List 07/02/2019: I am me, inside and out.

Gratitude List 07/02/2019

Today’s reflection of the day spoke of honesty. As a result I find myself reflecting on how honesty has come into my life.

My life prior to recovery overflowed with dishonesty. It infiltrated my thoughts, words, behaviours and actions. For me, having a days abstinence with regards to dishonesty is as big a miracle as a day off from my addiction.

Today I am grateful I am honest with myself. Accepting who I am, what I do, when I have power and when I need help.

Today I am grateful I no longer wear a different mask to suit different situations. I am me, inside and out.

Today I am grateful I am more honest with others. Through my thoughts, words, behaviours and actions.

Today I am grateful I do not fear being honest. I used to fear the consequences which were always much smaller than those resulting from dishonesty.

Today I am grateful I rarely answer ‘yes’ on my daily inventory when I ask myself if I’ve been dishonest. As I said, a day of honesty is a miracle for me.

Today I am grateful I don’t manipulate people anymore. No more do I twist and turn people’s emotions and decisions to get what I want.

Today I am grateful I can be honest with another with regards to how they made me feel (if that’s what God has guided me to do – to use courage instead of acceptance).

Today I am grateful, an honest life is much simpler.