‘Who are you to say there is no God?’

‘Who are you to say there is no God?’ pg 56 AA’s Big Book

Am I the only one who reads this and thinks of Miracle on 34th Street?

In all seriousness, the ‘We Agnostics’ chapter and in particular this line, provided the foundation to my belief in a greater power than myself. As well as bringing Richard Attenborough’s festive smile to mind, it gave me humility. How egocentric was I for this to have such a profound impact on me? Did I really think I knew everything? I am not the almighty. I am not celestial. I am not all powerful.

And it’s this humility which is the over riding thought when I get on my knees and pray. I have no idea who or what I pray to but I do know its not me. There is plenty of things more powerful and that is enough for me.

Chalk and Cheese

This is very relevant to my life at the moment so I thought I’d share my experience of Step 2 – “Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

“Came to believe…” This is exactly what happened to me. Through the humbling of Step 1 and reading the first few chapters of the Big Book, I came to believe. There was no existing belief beforehand, in fact, I almost resented the idea on the basis it was ridiculous, a sign of weakness and lack of self-will. It was comforting to know I didn’t need the belief before I embarked on the 12 Step Program.

“… in a power greater than ourselves…” The admission of my powerlessness over my illness and the the fact I had done an awful job at managing my life, gave me the necessary humility to accept and come to believe there are many things more powerful than I. For me it was that simple. The fact I am not the most powerful thing means there is an abundance of things that are. When I get on my knees and pray, this is what’s going through my mind. Simple humility.

“….could restore us to sanity.” Wait a minute! Not only do I have to believe in a power greater than myself, but I have to believe this power can influence me enough to restore sanity?? Despite my initial reservations, my experience has proved this can be quite simple. To start with, one of the main reasons I started this journey of recovery is because I wanted the apparent serenity I could see in others. If the programme, which includes a belief in a greater power, can work for them, why can’t it work for me too? Who am I to say it won’t? That was enough for me to get started. Since then, my belief has progressed and evolved into faith. How? Simply through experience. On a daily basis, when I feel connected to my greater power, I am a different person. I am calmer, I talk lower, I am at peace, I am a good listener, I appreciate the small things. When I am running on self will I am in a rush, I obsess over food, I am resentful, I am fearful, I am angry, I am selfish. Like chalk and cheese. Like black and white. It is as clear as night and day if I am running on self will or a greater power’s will. So, do I believe a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? Most definitely.

Chalk and Cheese

This is very relevant to my life at the moment so I thought I’d share my experience of Step 2 – “Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

“Came to believe…” This is exactly what happened to me. Through the humbling of Step 1 and reading the first few chapters of the Big Book, I came to believe. There was no existing belief beforehand, in fact, I almost resented the idea on the basis it was ridiculous, a sign of weakness and lack of self-will. It was comforting to know I didn’t need the belief before I embarked on the 12 Step Program.

“… in a power greater than ourselves…” The admission of my powerlessness over my illness and the the fact I had done an awful job at managing my life, gave me the necessary humility to accept and come to believe there are many things more powerful than I. For me it was that simple. The fact I am not the most powerful thing means there is an abundance of things that are. When I get on my knees and pray, this is what’s going through my mind. Simple humility.

“….could restore us to sanity.” Wait a minute! Not only do I have to believe in a power greater than myself, but I have to believe this power can influence me enough to restore sanity?? Despite my initial reservations, my experience has proved this can be quite simple. To start with, one of the main reasons I started this journey of recovery is because I wanted the apparent serenity I could see in others. If the programme, which includes a belief in a greater power, can work for them, why can’t it work for me too? Who am I to say it won’t? That was enough for me to get started. Since then, my belief has progressed and evolved into faith. How? Simply through experience. On a daily basis, when I feel connected to my greater power, I am a different person. I am calmer, I talk lower, I am at peace, I am a good listener, I appreciate the small things. When I am running on self will I am in a rush, I obsess over food, I am resentful, I am fearful, I am angry, I am selfish. Like chalk and cheese. Like black and white. It is as clear as night and day if I am running on self will or a greater power’s will. So, do I believe a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? Most definitely.

Gratitude List 13/05/2019: Sometimes I forget.

Gratitude List 13/05/2019

Sometimes I forget.

Today I am grateful I remembered I am never alone.

Today I am grateful to have a power greater than myself. A power that gives me acceptance when expectations arise.

Today I am grateful to have a power greater than myself. A power that gives me courage when fear creeps in.

Today I am grateful to have a power greater than myself. A power that gives me wisdom when there is choice.

Today I am grateful to have a power greater than myself. A power that gives me guidance through difficult times.

Today I am grateful to have a power greater than myself. A power that gives me tolerance when I am tested.

Today I am grateful to have a power greater than myself. A power that is all forgiving when things could’ve gone better.

Today I am grateful to have a power greater than myself. A power that lifts my obsession to feed any addictions.

Today I am grateful to have a power greater than myself. A power that is always there for me.

Today I am grateful to have a power greater than myself. A power that kicks my self-run ego’s arse!

🙏🏻😊👍🏻💪🏻❤

Gratitude List 30/04/2019: Not in control! Phew!

Gratitude List 30/04/2019

The majority of my day is under the control of my work and that will continue to be the case until later this afternoon. In the past, work was one of the very few things that had an element of control me. To be honest, they had less control than they thought!!

Today I am grateful I am letting work dictate what I do.

Today I am grateful that when work doesn’t have full control, it’s because I have given control over to my sponsor or a greater power as I work the steps or do the daily suggestions.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and frantically looking for ways (any way) to get my hands on some money.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and making up excuses as to why I need to leave the office.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and looking around in fear of being seen to enter a bookies.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and running to and from the ATM.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and I don’t have to wear a happy and professional face when I return, pretending everything is okay.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and sitting on the toilet (trousers up) playing online.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and freaking out when I’ve forgot to put my phone on silent.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and creating reasons why I’m still at work when I should be on my way home.

Gratitude List 21/04/2019

Gratitude List 21/04/2019

Today I am grateful to have a place where I can connect with my mum. I can connect anywhere but this place is special.

Today I am grateful to have a relationship with my mum based on a spiritual connection.

Today I am grateful I have a spiritual life.

Today I am grateful this relationship is made of love and strength.

Today I am grateful that my mum is one of the greater powers that I draw guidance from.

Today I am grateful for my belief that my mum has forgiven me.

Today I’m grateful for all the strength of character that my mum possessed and how I am inspired by them.

Today I am grateful that when I close my eyes I can picture my mum’s kind and loving face.

Today I am grateful that I have a good relationship with my dad and that I strongly believe this is what my mum would want me with one.

Gratitude List 08/04/2019: Dealing with Fear

Gratitude List 08/04/2019

A great day yesterday full of happiness and serenity surrounded a 15 minute period of fear. Fear is crippling. Whilst in existence, fear can take away that happiness and serenity and replace it with projection, worry and concern. Thankfully, the Recovery Program has given me several tools which allow me to best deal with fear.

My list today relates to these tools. Tools that I lived the majority of my adult life without. Yesterday’s fear was small in comparison to others I have had to deal with and I didn’t need to use all the tools listed below. But even the smallest fears can have a negative effect on my spiritual well-being, so knowing how to rid myself of them is a beautiful thing.

Today I am grateful that through experience I can safely say that fears are rarely what I build them up to be. ‘What was I worried about?’ is often the arising question when reality actually plays its part.

Today I am grateful I am aware of the simple fact that my greater power doesn’t wish fear on me. Therefore, my self-will must have taken the reigns. From that awareness, reconnection to my greater power is essential.

Today I am grateful I have a specific prayer I can utilise in order to hand over any fears that enter my mind. No matter the fear, letting go is an action I can always do. Quite simply, it can be that easy.

Today I am grateful I can close my eyes and meditate in order to connect further and await my greater power’s guidance. The connection takes me out of self-mode. The guidance will invariably lead to further action.

Today I am grateful I can pick up the phone and talk to somebody. Sharing is so helpful with regards to fear. One thing I know for sure – trying to surpress them doesn’t work.

Today I am grateful I can write about it. There is some unexplained magic in getting things down on paper but the simple process means I am admitting the fear to myself. I’m acknowledging it’s existence instead of denying it.

Today I am grateful I can recognise and accept fears that I have no control over. Most of these are either future based or based on the actions of others. Fully accepting there is nothing I can do goes a long way.

Today I am grateful there are times when I can take action. Action that will relieve the fear somewhat – being honest with someone for example or going to the doctors to get checked out. Faith without works dies. My greater power won’t do something I can do myself.

Today I am grateful for the self knowledge I have gained over the last couple of years or so. Knowing Who I Am along with some knowledge of fear itself means I know what to look out for and what part of me played it’s part.

Today I am grateful for the pages within the Big Book that speak of fear. Like the rest of the book, the words make sense to me. I can relate to them entirely. Knowing I’m not alone is vital.

Today I am grateful for the many experiences which have proved the above tools work! Each success adds to the faith I have in their ability to squash fear and return me to serene state of mind.