‘Who are you to say there is no God?’

‘Who are you to say there is no God?’ pg 56 AA’s Big Book

Am I the only one who reads this and thinks of Miracle on 34th Street?

In all seriousness, the ‘We Agnostics’ chapter and in particular this line, provided the foundation to my belief in a greater power than myself. As well as bringing Richard Attenborough’s festive smile to mind, it gave me humility. How egocentric was I for this to have such a profound impact on me? Did I really think I knew everything? I am not the almighty. I am not celestial. I am not all powerful.

And it’s this humility which is the over riding thought when I get on my knees and pray. I have no idea who or what I pray to but I do know its not me. There is plenty of things more powerful and that is enough for me.

Chalk and Cheese

This is very relevant to my life at the moment so I thought I’d share my experience of Step 2 – “Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

“Came to believe…” This is exactly what happened to me. Through the humbling of Step 1 and reading the first few chapters of the Big Book, I came to believe. There was no existing belief beforehand, in fact, I almost resented the idea on the basis it was ridiculous, a sign of weakness and lack of self-will. It was comforting to know I didn’t need the belief before I embarked on the 12 Step Program.

“… in a power greater than ourselves…” The admission of my powerlessness over my illness and the the fact I had done an awful job at managing my life, gave me the necessary humility to accept and come to believe there are many things more powerful than I. For me it was that simple. The fact I am not the most powerful thing means there is an abundance of things that are. When I get on my knees and pray, this is what’s going through my mind. Simple humility.

“….could restore us to sanity.” Wait a minute! Not only do I have to believe in a power greater than myself, but I have to believe this power can influence me enough to restore sanity?? Despite my initial reservations, my experience has proved this can be quite simple. To start with, one of the main reasons I started this journey of recovery is because I wanted the apparent serenity I could see in others. If the programme, which includes a belief in a greater power, can work for them, why can’t it work for me too? Who am I to say it won’t? That was enough for me to get started. Since then, my belief has progressed and evolved into faith. How? Simply through experience. On a daily basis, when I feel connected to my greater power, I am a different person. I am calmer, I talk lower, I am at peace, I am a good listener, I appreciate the small things. When I am running on self will I am in a rush, I obsess over food, I am resentful, I am fearful, I am angry, I am selfish. Like chalk and cheese. Like black and white. It is as clear as night and day if I am running on self will or a greater power’s will. So, do I believe a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? Most definitely.

Chalk and Cheese

This is very relevant to my life at the moment so I thought I’d share my experience of Step 2 – “Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

“Came to believe…” This is exactly what happened to me. Through the humbling of Step 1 and reading the first few chapters of the Big Book, I came to believe. There was no existing belief beforehand, in fact, I almost resented the idea on the basis it was ridiculous, a sign of weakness and lack of self-will. It was comforting to know I didn’t need the belief before I embarked on the 12 Step Program.

“… in a power greater than ourselves…” The admission of my powerlessness over my illness and the the fact I had done an awful job at managing my life, gave me the necessary humility to accept and come to believe there are many things more powerful than I. For me it was that simple. The fact I am not the most powerful thing means there is an abundance of things that are. When I get on my knees and pray, this is what’s going through my mind. Simple humility.

“….could restore us to sanity.” Wait a minute! Not only do I have to believe in a power greater than myself, but I have to believe this power can influence me enough to restore sanity?? Despite my initial reservations, my experience has proved this can be quite simple. To start with, one of the main reasons I started this journey of recovery is because I wanted the apparent serenity I could see in others. If the programme, which includes a belief in a greater power, can work for them, why can’t it work for me too? Who am I to say it won’t? That was enough for me to get started. Since then, my belief has progressed and evolved into faith. How? Simply through experience. On a daily basis, when I feel connected to my greater power, I am a different person. I am calmer, I talk lower, I am at peace, I am a good listener, I appreciate the small things. When I am running on self will I am in a rush, I obsess over food, I am resentful, I am fearful, I am angry, I am selfish. Like chalk and cheese. Like black and white. It is as clear as night and day if I am running on self will or a greater power’s will. So, do I believe a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? Most definitely.

Gratitude List 28/02/2019: Definition of a Mature Person Part Four

Gratitude List 28/02/2019

Definition of a Mature Person Part Four

Also see part 1, part 2 and part 3

15. We are not chronic “fault finders”?

Today I am grateful I am not a chronic fault finder. Well at least I think I’m not. Because I now tend to see the good in people and situations, I rarely speak out loud about it. Fault finding tends to be something I keep in my mind, but even that is a rare occurrence. I’m also grateful for the awareness to not be a chronic fault finder when it comes to myself.

16. We plan things in advance rather than trusting in the inspiration of the moment?

Today I am grateful this is getting much better. I was awful at planning. I’d even go as far as saying I didn’t plan at all. I think I was so scared of my future which was once so uncertain. I took ‘trusting the inspiration of the moment’ to a whole new level! I am aware of the fine line between planning and taking my own will back. But through my higher power (and my incredibly organised girlfriend) I find myself more prepared than ever before.

In terms of spiritual maturity:

l. We have faith in a Higher Power?

Yes yes yes! Today I am humbly grateful I have a Higher Power! To say this is vital to my own recovery is an understatement. It grew from a willingness, to a belief, to a faith. Letting go of control is a true blessing. Every time I let go my faith is enhanced by the results that come my way. There’s no better way to find a faith than to take a leap of faith.

2. We feel an organic part of mankind as a whole, contributing our part to each group of which we are a member?

Today I am grateful I do feel part of mankind, especially when I’m spiritually well. Addiction was such a lonely place. Even when I was surrounded by people I (a) felt lonely and (b) craved to be alone and left to my own desires. I also contribute to the many groups I belong to much more than ever before, whether it be the fellowship, my family, my friends, my colleagues. I care little if anyone else does, as long as I do my bit. I do want to contribute a little more to my community, that is an area for improvement.

3. We obey the spiritual essence of the Golden Rule: “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself?”

Today I am grateful I have learnt to love myself. I am proud of who I am becoming. I have a growing spirituality in my life. Now I love myself I can now love those around me.