Gratitude List 07/02/2019: I am me, inside and out.

Gratitude List 07/02/2019

Today’s reflection of the day spoke of honesty. As a result I find myself reflecting on how honesty has come into my life.

My life prior to recovery overflowed with dishonesty. It infiltrated my thoughts, words, behaviours and actions. For me, having a days abstinence with regards to dishonesty is as big a miracle as a day off from my addiction.

Today I am grateful I am honest with myself. Accepting who I am, what I do, when I have power and when I need help.

Today I am grateful I no longer wear a different mask to suit different situations. I am me, inside and out.

Today I am grateful I am more honest with others. Through my thoughts, words, behaviours and actions.

Today I am grateful I do not fear being honest. I used to fear the consequences which were always much smaller than those resulting from dishonesty.

Today I am grateful I rarely answer ‘yes’ on my daily inventory when I ask myself if I’ve been dishonest. As I said, a day of honesty is a miracle for me.

Today I am grateful I don’t manipulate people anymore. No more do I twist and turn people’s emotions and decisions to get what I want.

Today I am grateful I can be honest with another with regards to how they made me feel (if that’s what God has guided me to do – to use courage instead of acceptance).

Today I am grateful, an honest life is much simpler.

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Gratitude List 04/02/2019: Continued…

Gratitude List 04/02/2019

Further to yesterday.

I woke this morning feeling a little drained, emotionally drained. Yesterday, I was met with my biggest test yet since being in recovery. Despite the challenge, as time has passed, I have been able to see plenty of positives. That has continued to be the case today and, upon reflection, I am full of gratitude.

Today I am grateful that this challenge has not led to me acting out in a negative way. Who knows what this could’ve led to. Working the program means I was less vulnerable.

Today I am grateful that my humility and consideration overpowered any resentments that briefly came to mind.

Today I am grateful I have been in recovery for the last year. Had I not been, I seriously believe I would be in a very, very dark place today.

Today I am grateful that my reaction has been to carry on as normal – which has been to work the program in my daily life. Being in recovery means that no desperate or drastic changes to my behaviour were necessary.

Today I am grateful I intuitively knew how to deal with this test (that would’ve previously baffled me). On reflection, the tools I have gained through this program were working without any conscience thought of my own. It was a miracle.

Today I am grateful my ego and self-will was not in control. Instead, my greater power carried me through. Under pressure, it would’ve definitely been the other way round. Does this mean my natural behaviour/reactions have changed?

Today I am grateful that this has reinforced my faith in this program and that ‘it works if I work it.’

Today I am grateful for that ‘moment of silence to remind myself why I am here’. I’m here because I need to be!

Today I am grateful I am not alone. Thanks to the honesty I have practiced, I have been able to share this situation with my partner, my fellows and my sponsor. Such a blessing to have this support instead of suffering alone.

Today I am mostly grateful that two people, who I severely harmed in the past, have had some release. They have been suffering and this would have been a big lift for both of them. I pray that my future conduct will assist in further amends.

Gratitude List 03/02/2019: So proud

Gratitude List 03/02/2019

Something big happened today. In fact it happened a while ago but it came to light today. Something I knew was going to happen. It didn’t happened the way I had planned, but now it’s done, I believe it happened the way it was meant to.

Today I am grateful for a particular person. I am very proud of this person’s maturity and forgiveness.

Today I am grateful there was a relief for this person.

I am grateful I was in recovery for the last year.

Today I am grateful I am there for this person.

Today I am grateful I didn’t react with resentment towards another.

Today I am grateful I instead used consideration and understanding.

Today I am grateful I didn’t respond with desperate dishonesty.

Today I am grateful I instead humbly accepted the situation for what it was.

Today I am grateful I am in touch with my emotions. In particular love.

Today I am grateful that this program works!!!

Gratitude List 02/02/2019: My children ❤️

Gratitude List 02/02/2019

One of my goals in recovery was and is to become a better father to my children.

Today I am grateful I spend less time with my phone in my hand when I’m in their company.

Today I am grateful I take more time to take an interest and help them with their education.

Today I am grateful I show them a lot more tolerance and patience than I used to.

Today I am grateful I am quick to admit when my defects come out and quick to apologise.

Today I am grateful I am not rushing off and either leaving them in the house or the car just so I can feed my addiction.

Today I am grateful I am more open and honest with them.

Today I am grateful I don’t look at them with disappointment. This was a tough one for me to admit.

Today I am grateful I don’t manipulate their feelings into feeling sorry and guilty just so I get what I want.

Today I am grateful I think before I speak. I think about my choice of words and the manner I will speak them.

Today I am grateful our relationships have become closer and more loving. When I tell them I love them, I think they believe me.