Keep going….

Wow, I love this! Something I can really relate to. Whenever I cast my mind back to where I was spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally and financially three years ago, I am shocked as to how far I have come. With such a dramatic turnaround it would be easy for me to rest on my laurels, enjoy the comfort zone and seize to take action. But something (mainly my sponsor) has kept me going, kept me working, kept me progressing and I will be eternally grateful.

I am not perfect and I never will be. This is not negative thinking, its quite the contrary. If perfection is unreachable then that means there is no ceiling to my recovery! I can keep progressing, I can keep going! Where I was three years ago is not where I am today and where I am today will not be where I’ll be in three years time.

I can also relate to this quote from a completely different perspective. There have been many moments where I have had to endure difficult times – some brief and some extended. Upon reflection I can say through experience that I kept going. I didn’t dwell and reside in that difficult moment, I took action sometimes quickly sometimes slowly, but in time things have always passed.

I’d like to hear how you relate to this quote? 🙂

Gratitude List 22/04/2019: A Monty Python parody….

Gratitude List 22/04/2019

A Monty Python parody….

REG: …….. and what has recovery ever given us in return?!

XERXES: Better relationships?

REG: What?

XERXES: Better relationships.

REG: Oh. Yeah, yeah. It has given us that. Uh, that’s true. Yeah.

COMMANDO #3: And peace of mind.

LORETTA: Oh, yeah, peace of mind, Reg. Remember what our washing machine head used to be like?

REG: Yeah. All right. I’ll grant you the better relationships and peace of mind are two things that recovery has done.

MATTHIAS: And a better bank balance.

REG: Well, yeah. Obviously a better bank balance. I mean, a better bank balance goes without saying, doesn’t it? But apart from better relationships, peace of mind, and a better bank balance–

COMMANDO: Acceptance.

XERXES: Courage.

COMMANDOS: Huh? Heh? Huh…

COMMANDO #2: Wisdom.

COMMANDOS: Ohh…

REG: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.

COMMANDO #1: And hope.

COMMANDOS: Oh, yes. Yeah…

FRANCIS: Yeah. Yeah, that’s something we’d really miss, Reg, if recovery left. Huh.

COMMANDO: Unity.

LORETTA: And it’s safe to be left alone with our thoughts and sanity now, Reg.

FRANCIS: Yeah, it certainly knows what’s better for us. Let’s face it. It’s the only one that could in a place like this.

COMMANDOS: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

REG: All right, but apart from the better relationships, peace of mind, a better bank balance, acceptance, courage, wisdom, hope, unity, sanity, what has recovery ever done for us?

XERXES: Brought happiness.

REG: Oh. Happiness? Shut up!

Gratitude List 13/04/2019: Subtle Progression

Gratitude List 13/04/2019

What I love about this progressive recovery is it’s subtlety. There have been a few ‘thunderbolt’ moments but for the most, changes are happening without me even noticing. Remembering where I came from, along with my daily inventory, I am reminded of how far I’ve come. And today I can look at my inventory and think wow! I’ve come a long way!

Today I am grateful I have not been resentful. In the past, resentment was an absolute constant. I resented so many for so many reasons. Nothing took my happiness away as much as resentment. Today is a blessing.

Today I am grateful I have not been selfish. My ego never let me admit how selfish I was, I believed I was the most thoughtful person in existence. Today I can identify my selfishness and I possess the tools to put it right.

Today I am grateful I have not been dishonest. Wow, this one is a daily miracle. I used to lie about everything. Everything! Most of them were absolutely pointless. I was just compulsive. I rarely lie now which is quite unbelievable.

Today I am grateful I have not been fearful. In the past I was riddled with fear. Absolutely riddled. Big fears, little fears and most were fears that didn’t even exist. Today I have no fear, instead I have serenity.

Today I am grateful I do not owe an apology. Genuinely saying sorry was never my thing anyway because I was always right. Not happy though. Today I can promptly admit when I’m wrong and be humble enough to do the next right thing.

Today I am grateful I reach out when I need to. No more surpressing. No more isolation. No more pride. Today I am comfortable with being vulnerable and I have an abundance of people to reach out to.

Today I am grateful I was kind and loving to all. I used to think I was. I was at times, but other times the kindness and love was a mask for the underlining manipulation and selfish dishonesty. Today the love and kindness I give is selfless and genuine.

Today I am grateful there is always something I can do better. (‘We strive for progression not perfection.’) In the past, as I reflected on another day of destruction, I would have felt some comfort in a different thought – ‘things could have been worse.’ Which is true, but today I am looking forward – always looking to better myself.

Today I am grateful I wasn’t always thinking of myself. My thinking was always about what I could get out of it. I wouldn’t contemplate anything unless I got something in return. Even the purchase of a gift would come with a huge expectation of gratitude in return. Today, even when I do things to better me, the thinking behind them is for the benefit of those around me.

Today I am grateful I thought of what we could do for others, or what I could pack into the stream of life. Like above, there was very little I would do that didn’t have a selfish slant to it. Most of the time I was being completely and utterly selfish. Like polar opposites, today is different, I am blessed to have changed. I am blessed with a second life in one. Whether it’s to my family, my friends, my colleagues, my community or my fellowship – I am more than happy to give something back.