Gratitude List 30/01/2019: ‘I can’t. We can.’

Gratitude List 30/01/2019

‘I can’t. We can.’

I have no idea of the science behind unity or whether there is any. But what is absolutely certain, is it works. Unity is empowering. Through unity I have been able to do things I could never do by myself, no matter how hard I tried, no matter what promises I made, no matter what lives I swore on.

All I have to do to practice unity is complete some simple actions. I can attend meetings with like minded fellows, share my experience, express how I am feeling, listen and relate to others, make phonecalls and meet up. When I look at each individual action, why is it I can gain power through unity? Should listening to someone give me power? Should sitting in a room full of like minded people give me power? I can’t see why they should, but they do!! Not just a bit of power, we are talking about an abundance of power which overpowers my compulsion to my illness. Something I am completely powerless over. Fellowships and their meetings have often been described as being magic and I truly believe that.

Unity, through doing some simple achievable actions has given me power. This power didn’t emulate from myself, but from the unity of the fellowship. If I can gain power from unity then I can gain even more through another greater power that can’t be explained? God perhaps.

Today I am grateful you guys and gals.

Gratitude List 29/01/2019: My illness v Recovery

Gratitude List 29/01/2019

My illness v Recovery

A daily battle in my life. Today, the victor was ‘Recovery’. Let me share with you how.

I needed to be honest and tell someone something. My illness created a fear and projected the worse case scenario, as it always does. This led to procrastination which then allowed time for me to become agitated and uncomfortable. Before I knew it, my head was spinning with devious plans to escape.

Prior to working the recovery program, I would have had no answers. I would have continued to suffer in silence. I would have slipped into self-pity and self-resentment. These defects would have festered inside of me and evolved into intolerance and anger. Once boiling point was reached I would have gone about it in completely the wrong way, at the wrong time and hugely harmed this person in the process. I would have stormed off, arrogantly certain I was in the right. That was of course, until the emotional hangover slapped me round the face the following morning as I started to comprehend my actions. ‘What was I thinking?’ I began to ask myself.

Today I am grateful I did not react in this way. Recovery’s counter attack to this fear was to first take me to a meeting, practice unity and give back to the fellowship that saved my life. Once there, the option to chair the meeting was made available to me. Knowing how much selfless acts including service can help my recovery, I wasted no time in grasping this opportunity. Shared experiences reminded me of how far I’ve come and made me realise how small this fear is in comparison to the ones that used to dictate my life. Further service followed as I chose to share the message and not the mess. A suffering newcomer needed to hear it. Leaving the meeting inspired, motivated and spiritually connected I wasted no time in praying to my greater power to remove my fear and direct my attention to what He would have me be. Almost mantra style, I also humbly repeated the third and seventh step prayers. Each time I said them, I felt my serenity, courage and wisdom build up. By the time the conversation came around, I was calm, composed, confident and connected. It wasn’t all easy but the conversation couldn’t have gone better. I was able to remain patient, considerate, tolerant and be 100% honest. I didn’t harm myself and as far as I know, I didn’t harm the other person either. Afterwards, I honestly reflected on this and the rest of my day by doing a daily inventory, promptly admitting when I was wrong. More prayers followed including a sincere thanks to my greater power for my abstinence and recovery. Finally, this list and sleep. It really works if you work it. Sweet dreams all.