And just like that, I feel better

It’s been a funny day so far. In fact it’s been a funny week. I feel like I’ve been walking a tightrope and the smallest of gusts have been able to knock me off. Despite the beautiful English weather it has been a bit breezy!

It’s not global warming bringing this unwanted force, but the unrelenting force of nature commonly known as ‘self’. I’ve been a tad off my program, mainly due to being super busy at work, but boy have I felt the difference. Quite simply, less of God’s will and more of my own. I think God has a sense of humour, because life’s challenges seem to coincide with my occasional dips. Consequently, I don’t tend to deal with these as well as I would like. Or, is it the fact that when I’m on my program and I am spiritually well, I deal with the same challenges that much better that I don’t even notice them? Food for thought.

Either way, upon reflection I can take some huge positives. In comparison to just a few years ago I am a walking, breathing miracle! My instinctive reactions have progressed so much and my awareness of arising defects has too. It is in these struggles that recovery really shines through.

Quick side story, so into this blog that I’ve just missed my stop!! I need to focus otherwise I’ll do it again on my return route, I have previous in this!

Anyway, after writing this I am in a completely different mood. Feeling blessed.

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Gratitude List 27/06/2019

Gratitude List 27/06/2019

Today I am grateful I took my car in for it’s MOT before it expired!! Woop woop! Responsible me! Haha!

Today I am grateful that not a lot of work needed to be done. I don’t know how. I should really make amends to my car, I’ve caused a lot of harm through neglect over the years.

Today I am grateful I agreed to get the brake pads replaced even if it would have passed the MOT anyway. No way I would’ve done this in the past, I would’ve run the risk!

Today I am grateful for the school run this morning with my daughter. Always has been one of my favourite parts of my day. Saying goodbye always tugs at the heart strings.

Today I am grateful my son is comfortable in our new home. He was more than happy to stay in bed, have a lie in and then make his way home a bit later.

Today I am grateful for the lovely evening we had last night. After dinner we went outside in the garden and just talked. No TV, no phones, just interaction.

Today I am grateful to reach day 4 in my food related abstinence. The obsession is not there at the moment and when it is, I am able to surrender to God’s will.

Today I am grateful for the day ahead of me. If all goes to plan, I’ll finish work mid afternoon and follow it up with several hours of service, recovery and unity.

Today I am grateful for this opportunity. For this void in my day to do this suggestion. I’m grateful I haven’t filled it with something not so positive.

Today I am grateful for the smile on my face, the serenity in my mind and the bounce in my step. It really does work if I work it.

Gratitude List 25/06/2019

Gratitude List 25/06/2019

Today I am grateful to hear the sound of the rain hitting the window. It’s very tranquil.

Today I am grateful to be surrounded by life. So much of what is around me is alive like I am.

Today I am grateful I feel a part of the life around me. I can connect to it and tap in to its power.

Today I am grateful for how my outlook upon has changed, is continuing to change.

Today I am grateful I can learn from my past, make the most of the present and have hope for the future.

Today I am grateful that my conscious contact with God as I understand Him is improving. Something magical is happening.

Today I am grateful I am surrendering to His will. This thought process has made it easier to do the right thing.

Today I am grateful for the plans I have made for today. Thinking of others is my motto.

Today I am grateful my daughter has been given her first phone – she’s better at answering it than my son, that’s for sure.

Today I am grateful for how at peace I feel.

The rain can add to the beauty.

An audio clip of the sounds I can here right now.

Gratitude List 24/06/2019: Time

Gratitude List 24/06/2019

When in action, I always find time to feed my compulsions. My responsibilities are thrown out the window and with them goes my chances of living a happy, joyous and free life.

Why is it then, when in recovery, time seems to dissappear? Of course, as an addict in recovery I am more responsible. No longer am I dishonestly creating time to act out. I often told work “I need to pop to the bank” or text my girlfriend “Sorry, I have to do overtime”. Nowadays, when I should be at work, I’m at work. As such, some of the windows of time I used to have are now shut with this new found maturity.

I was once deviously clever with creating time. Now, I can still be clever, but in a sincere way. I have to, my life and happiness depend on it.

Today I am grateful I can create time by going to sleep later.

Today I am grateful I can create time by setting my alarm earlier.

Today I am grateful I can read and write whilst commuting to work.

Today I am grateful I can call if I’m driving (using hands free of course).

Today I am grateful to have an opportunity during my lunch break.

Today I am grateful I can read and write whilst commuting back home.

Life is life and it may not be possible to do all of the above but I have learnt to make use of the opportunities when they arise. If I procrastinate and leave it till the next opportunity, it may never materialise.

Today I am grateful I can choose to fill the voids in my evenings with recovery.

It doesn’t mean I can never watch TV, it doesn’t mean I can never go to the gym, it doesn’t mean I don’t get to spend quality time with my loved ones. But as my life and everything in it depends on whether I am clean and abstinent, I must choose to sacrifice things on a daily basis. It may mean I need to delay watching TV, it may mean I have to ask the kids to play in their room for a bit. If I’m clever and wise and make the most of my opportunities, I will still have plenty of time each day to enjoy life.

If I find myself struggling to fill these voids with something productive:

Today I am grateful I can recognise and admit when I am suffering with laziness or procrastination.

Today I am grateful I can hand over my will to my greater power and ask for His strength and guidance.

Today I am grateful I can surrender to His guidance when that ‘gut feeling’ tells me I should be doing something else.

Lastly, I mustn’t forget that doing recovery work is good for me!! It’s not a chore!

Gratitude List 20/06/2019

Gratitude List 20/06/2019

Today I am grateful for waking up on this beautiful morning. I’m glad to be alive.

Today I am grateful I have woken up with all my senses intact, I can see my children fast asleep, I can hear the kettle on, I can smell the toast, I can feel the life in my hands, I can feel God around me.

Today I am grateful I have got up early enough to have a shower and do a bit of meditation.

Today I am grateful for the lack of pain I am currently in – both mentally and physically.

Today I am grateful to read up on some messages that have been posted already this morning. Forever grateful for this.

Today I am grateful I have some more fellowship to look forward to this afternoon/evening. I can’t wait to take my seat.

Today I am grateful for all the people in my life. I pray for their health and happiness. I pray I can be of best use to them all.

Today I am grateful for spending some quality time with my children. I love having them round and I cherish every second.

Today I am grateful I made time to help my daughter with her revision. Something I haven’t been great at but I’m progressing in the right direction.

Today I am grateful there is an extra spring in my step today.

Gratitude List 13/06/2019: Resentments

Gratitude List 13/06/2019

Sometimes resentments arise. It’s life. How I react to them will have huge effect on the serenity and happiness of firstly myself and secondly those around me. Thankfully, through the steps, I have been given some valuable lessons in life.

Today I am grateful I am learning about feelings and emotions.

Today I am grateful I am learning about maturity.

Today I am grateful I am learning how to look at the part I played.

Today I am grateful I am learning how to use tolerance and consideration.

Today I am grateful I am learning how to forgive and love.

Today I am grateful I am learning how to ask for forgiveness.

Today I am grateful I am learning how to remain humble.

Today I am grateful I am learning how to accept people, places and things.

Today I am grateful I am learning how to take action and change the things I can.

Today I am grateful I am still learning.

💪🏻🙏🏻❤😊👍🏻

Gratitude List 12/06/2019

Gratitude List 12/06/2019

Today I am grateful for my abstinence. Without it, recovery and life as I know would not be possible.

Today I am grateful for my senses. I am currently able to see, hear, smell, taste, touch and connect.

Today I am grateful to have home to return to this evening. I have a shower to get under and a bed to get into.

Today I am grateful for how a friends fortunes have changed. He’s gone from living in his car to piloting an airplane.

Today I am grateful that when the forecasted rain arrives this afternoon I have shelter to go to and a coat to wear.

Today I am grateful for the breakfast I am about to eat. A breakfast that is both tasty and nutritious for my body.

Today I am grateful to be doing this list which in turn is feeding my spirit and mind. I cannot ignore my spiritual health.

Today I am grateful for the thousands of people who share their experience, strength, hope, knowledge and philosophy.

Today I am grateful I really do have water on tap. So many millions do not have this simple and often forgotten blessing.

Today I am grateful for my beating heart, my functioning brain, my breathing lungs. I am blessed with the miracle of life.