And just like that, I feel better

It’s been a funny day so far. In fact it’s been a funny week. I feel like I’ve been walking a tightrope and the smallest of gusts have been able to knock me off. Despite the beautiful English weather it has been a bit breezy!

It’s not global warming bringing this unwanted force, but the unrelenting force of nature commonly known as ‘self’. I’ve been a tad off my program, mainly due to being super busy at work, but boy have I felt the difference. Quite simply, less of God’s will and more of my own. I think God has a sense of humour, because life’s challenges seem to coincide with my occasional dips. Consequently, I don’t tend to deal with these as well as I would like. Or, is it the fact that when I’m on my program and I am spiritually well, I deal with the same challenges that much better that I don’t even notice them? Food for thought.

Either way, upon reflection I can take some huge positives. In comparison to just a few years ago I am a walking, breathing miracle! My instinctive reactions have progressed so much and my awareness of arising defects has too. It is in these struggles that recovery really shines through.

Quick side story, so into this blog that I’ve just missed my stop!! I need to focus otherwise I’ll do it again on my return route, I have previous in this!

Anyway, after writing this I am in a completely different mood. Feeling blessed.

Gratitude List 27/06/2019

Gratitude List 27/06/2019

Today I am grateful I took my car in for it’s MOT before it expired!! Woop woop! Responsible me! Haha!

Today I am grateful that not a lot of work needed to be done. I don’t know how. I should really make amends to my car, I’ve caused a lot of harm through neglect over the years.

Today I am grateful I agreed to get the brake pads replaced even if it would have passed the MOT anyway. No way I would’ve done this in the past, I would’ve run the risk!

Today I am grateful for the school run this morning with my daughter. Always has been one of my favourite parts of my day. Saying goodbye always tugs at the heart strings.

Today I am grateful my son is comfortable in our new home. He was more than happy to stay in bed, have a lie in and then make his way home a bit later.

Today I am grateful for the lovely evening we had last night. After dinner we went outside in the garden and just talked. No TV, no phones, just interaction.

Today I am grateful to reach day 4 in my food related abstinence. The obsession is not there at the moment and when it is, I am able to surrender to God’s will.

Today I am grateful for the day ahead of me. If all goes to plan, I’ll finish work mid afternoon and follow it up with several hours of service, recovery and unity.

Today I am grateful for this opportunity. For this void in my day to do this suggestion. I’m grateful I haven’t filled it with something not so positive.

Today I am grateful for the smile on my face, the serenity in my mind and the bounce in my step. It really does work if I work it.

Gratitude List 02/04/2019: Life

Gratitude List 02/04/2019

Today I am grateful for the life that surrounds me. Not forgetting life is a miracle, I look around and its everywhere!

Today I am grateful for the blue skies and warming sun – albeit glimpses! Together they seem to make London a happier place.

Today I am grateful that when I close my eyes and reflect, my thoughts are currently happy and serene.

Today I am grateful to relax and watch the world go by, being mindful of what I can see, smell, hear and feel.

Today I am grateful I am not running away from my responsibilities. I am not escaping reality.

Today I am grateful to walk down the road with no rush or haste in my step. I’m at ease. It’s bliss.

Today I am grateful the song I’m listening to reminds me of Mont Roig, Catalunya. A special place for so many reasons.

Today I am grateful for the smile on my face, the peace in my mind and the love in my heart. I’ve experienced losing all three.

Today I am grateful for my girlfriend’s head resting on my shoulder.

Today I am grateful I am enjoying life.

Gratitude List 29/03/2019: Seek the positives

Gratitude List 29/03/2019

Flipping the negatives = a change of mindset.

Today I am grateful that although I’m exhausted it’s because I worked hard yesterday and not because I’m feeding my compulsions.

Today I am grateful that although my legs ache (and the hips don’t lie, Shakira Shakira) it’s because of the positive exercise I did yesterday.

Today I am grateful that although I missed some fellowship last night, I got to unite three times in the days before. Where I live, I have opportunities every day!

Today I am grateful that although I have a fear, it’s small in comparison to those I used to create and this one will more than likely be nothing to worry about.

Today I am grateful that although I have another busy day ahead of me, most of it I will enjoy, plus I don’t have to work the weekend.

Today I am grateful that although I am aware I need to improve certain aspects of my life, I have come a long, long way and can use that success to motivate me further.

Today I am grateful that although I picked up my phone to use whilst driving I told myself to not be stupid, put it down and pulled over.

Today I am grateful that although I was caused harm and as a result felt resentment, I know how to deal with it quickly and sufficiently without making things worse.

Today I grateful that although my phone network has packed up today, I have still been able to text and call, plus I’ve actually enjoyed it. Hence the delay in sending this list ;).

Today I am grateful I am able to put a positive spin on negative things. I used to do the opposite.

Gratitude List 27/03/2019: Self-love

Gratitude List 27/03/2019

Self-love – regard for one’s own well-being and happiness

Good morning all. Presently, I am looking after myself – mentally, physically and spiritually and it feels good. I say presently, because I know through a lifetime’s worth of experience how easily it can change. The difference today is I have some tools which I believe can prolong and also enhance this feeling of self-love.

Today I am grateful I am currently eating better. I’ve come to realise how much and how badly I eat in between meals and how insane my thinking can be around it all. Today is just my 9th day abstinent from snacking but I feel so much better for it. I am also aware of trying to fill my body with decent, nutritious food (and drink) that is good for me.

Today I am grateful I am growing spiritually. Whether it be through prayer and meditation, reading inspirational literature or the practicing of spiritual principles like honesty, kindness and love. By doing so I am filling my mind with peace, happiness, gratitude and serenity as well as improving my conscious contact with God as I understand Him.

Today I am grateful I have the willingness to learn. I want to learn something new, like a new language. I fully admit I haven’t properly started yet and it’s all words no action but at least the desire is there. What I am doing on a daily basis is remaining teachable. Life is a daily education and today I am open to learn from both the ups and the downs.

Today I am grateful I have started to exercise a little more. I am conscious of the need to remain active, even if its getting off my chair and walking around a bit, walking up the escalators or doing a bit of gardening. I’ve gone back to the gym but I need to get back for the second time before I lose momentum – I know what I’m like!

Today I am grateful I have started to look after my health by getting myself to the doctor when I need to. In the past I would surpress my fears and simply hope the pain or discomfort would go away. Today I am more willing to get the professional help I need. Next up, the dentist!

Today I am grateful I choose to look becomingly. Well, I wouldn’t say I took too much care at 5:30 this morning but I and my clothes are at the very least washed and clean. I still need to take the time to sort out my crazy hair but it’s a far cry from the dishevelled look I used to grace the world with!

Today I am grateful I am filling the voids of my day with positive action. No longer am I wasting time doing s**t (sorry couldn’t think of a more appropriate word) that does nothing for my personal growth. I have a busy life so these moments are precious to me.

Today I am grateful that if I was to dissect myself right now I’d like to think my body is predominantly full of goodness. Goodness in terms of my mentality, my physicality and my spirituality.

Gratitude List 16/03/2019: The Right Direction

Gratitude List 16/03/2019

Today I have started the day on the right foot. One positive thing has led to another and it’s no surprise that I continued to step in the right direction. So far, today is a good day.

Today I am grateful to wake up and say my prayers.

Today I am grateful for the reflection of the day.

Today I am grateful for connecting with my sponsor.

Today I am grateful for being honest.

Today I am grateful for the healthy breakfast.

Today I am grateful I did some things I had procrastinated.

Today I am grateful I went to the gym.

Today I am grateful I am doing this list.

Each action has fed in to the next. After this list I will meditate. After that, some more connection with family, friends and fellows. At the same time I am growing spiritually either through improving my conscious contact with God or through the practicing of spiritual principles.

Gratitude List 13/03/2019: Slow down!!

Gratitude List 13/03/2019

Yesterday morning I suddenly realised how impatient I was being. I was undertaking a somewhat innocuous task at the time. From this rather humorous moment I told myself I would make an effort to be more patient for the rest of the day. By doing so, I learnt I am very often in a rush, and for most of the time I have absolutely nothing to rush for.

Today I am grateful I let the microwave reach zero seconds before I took my breakfast out.

Today I am grateful I chewed my food sufficiently before I lifted the spoon again.

Today I am grateful I washed my hands properly.

Today I am grateful I dried my hands completely before wiping them on my jeans.

Today I am grateful I didn’t step into the road just to pass someone ahead of me.

Today I am grateful I waited for the green man.

Today I am grateful I checked the tyre pressures.

Today I am grateful I pulled into the gap and let a car past.

Today I am grateful I undone my laces before I slipped my shoes off.

These aren’t necessarily bad moments, but it did make me chuckle how often I’m impatient. And I do the same things almost everyday. As the day went on, as I resisted the short cuts, I did feel more serene and more present. It occured to me – how can I enjoy the present moment if I’m always eager to move onto the next? Furthermore, my impatience can manifest itself in ways that aren’t so humourous. I’m grateful for this awareness and the tools I have to help me rid myself of them.