Gratitude List 21/03/2019: Right this second

Gratitude List 21/03/2019

Right this second I am tired. I have another long day ahead of me. I’m fighting the urge to eat a crappy breakfast. I have a few niggling fears. I can’t be bothered. It’s cold. It’s grey. Yes I am a little grumpy!

But…

Right this second I am grateful for all the seconds in my day. If need be, each one is an opportunity to change my direction, flip my mood, look with different eyes and bring a smile to my face.

Right this second I am grateful to have the knowledge and tools to lift my spirits.

Right this second I am grateful to be alive.

Right this second I am grateful to be abstinent from my compulsions.

Right this second I am grateful to be in recovery.

Right this second I am grateful to be in good health.

Right this second I am grateful to be on my way to a job.

Right this second I am grateful to have a home to return to.

Right this second I am grateful to be able to walk, talk, taste, feel, smell, hear and see.

Right this second I am grateful to have food in the cupboard, water on tap, money in my pocket and clothes on my back.

Right this second I am grateful to be sane and growing in serenity.

Right this second I am grateful to have a Higher Power in my life.

Right this second I am grateful to be writing this list. It has the power to change my mood.

Right this second I am grateful to be grateful.

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Gratitude List 19/02/2019: Awareness

Gratitude List 19/02/2019

This gratitude list refers to my awareness of a particular struggle I’m going through. At this point, I have an awareness and a desire, but no power. Its about time I held my hands up and admitted defeat again. This powerlessness refers to food, and some (including me) may think ‘oh well, it’s not that bad.’ But there are so many similarities between this and my primary addiction and the concerning fact is the similarities are increasing. I need to be honest with myself and get this down in writing.

Today I am grateful I have a growing awareness of the certain’ trigger’ foods I need to abstain from.

Today I am grateful I have an awareness that despite my growing knowledge of certain trigger foods, I am powerlessness over that first purchase/pick up/bite.

Today I am grateful I have an awareness of my powerlessness over the phenomenon of craving. Once I start I cannot stop.

Today I am grateful I am aware I have crossed that invisible line into compulsive eating. I am now, not a normal eater.

Today I am grateful I have a growing awareness of the insanity around my thinking when it comes to my eating.

Today I am grateful I am aware that my compulsive eating is becoming more secretive. As soon as there’s an opportunity to be alone, my mind starts to get excited about what I can eat. I’ve felt this before!

Today I am grateful I have an awareness that being secretive means I’m being dishonest. Not just on a food front but I’m spending money I shouldn’t too.

Today I am grateful I have an awareness of the lack of fight and will power when it comes to eating.

Today I am grateful I am aware of that feeling of inevitability. Accepting I’ve already done the deed before I have. Truly baffling.

Today I am grateful I have an awareness of what I need to do (recovery, unity and service) and what I need to less of (trying to deal with it by myself).

Today I am grateful this awareness and self-honesty has given me some power. Going to Greggs on my way to work seemed inevitable earlier but I’ve managed to walk past with some fight to spare.

Gratitude List 15/02/2019: Defining moments

Gratitude List 15/02/2019

Defining moments.

There have been quite a few defining moments during my recovery.

Today I am grateful my three good friends who declined to lend me money. Initially I was so angry because I knew they had it. Thankfully two of them got together and spoke, one knew a little about addiction and knew the money wouldn’t go to good use.

Today I am grateful for being backed into a corner with no way out. The only way was to come clean. Had there been the slightest of gaps I would’ve got through it and caused even more destruction.

Today I am grateful for the unwarranted understanding and support I was given by so many people I’d harmed so much.

Today I am grateful for the female who decades ago made me aware of the fellowships. From that point on, I knew there was somewhere to go.

Today I am grateful for message of recovery which eventually sunk in through my ego. The realisation that despite some abstinence I hadn’t changed at all. I didn’t like who I was. The problem was me.

Today I am grateful for meeting my now sponsor for the first time and the leap of faith I took. He was there offering a selfless service but my ego wanted me to resist. My gut instinct was to think ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ I took that first step.

Today I am grateful for discovering a willingness to believe in a God of my own understanding. Quite simply, ‘who am I to say there’s no God’.

In hindsight, I can clearly see that these defining moments were acts of my God as I understand Him. I know He’s been with me all the way, doing what He needed to do for me to see the light. Since then I have experienced many other defining moments that Unity, Recovery and Service has brought me.

The line

Gratitude List 23/01/2019

Today I am grateful for poems like this…

Every minute someone leaves this world behind.

Age has nothing to do with it.

We are all in this the line without realizing it.

We never know how many people are before us. We can not move to the back of the line.

We can not step out of the line.

We can not avoid the line.

So while we wait in line –

Make moments count.

Make a difference.

Make the call.

Make priorities.

Make the time.

Make your gifts known.

Make a nobody feel like a somebody.

Make your voice heard.

Make the small things big.

Make someone smile.

Make the change.

Make yourself a priority.

Make love.

Make up.

Make peace.

Make sure to tell your people they are loved.

Make waves.

Make sure to have no regrets.

Less vulnerable

Gratitude List 22/01/2019

When I look back at the person I once was, it’s not surprising I did some of the things I did. I was riddled with defects – dishonesty, resentment, fear, intolerance, discontentment, courseness, irritability, lustfulness, laziness, arrogance, impatience, selfishness, self-centeredness etc etc etc the list goes on and on. Of course I had strengths of character too, but they were overwhelmed by the defects that were being empowered by my ego and controlled by my self-will. As a result I was very vulnerable to a number of negative reactions.

Through working the recovery program I have learnt how to lessen my defects and strengthen my strengths. Through practicing the principles in my daily life, having faith in a greater power and completing some simple suggestions I gain spirituality. I am improving as a person and that spirituality surrounds me like an invisible forcefield. This, along with the strengths of character that now play a more significant role in my life, I am less vulnerable to my negative reactions that more often than not, used to harm me and others.

Today I am grateful I am less vulnerable to relapsing.

Today I am grateful I am less vulnerable to unnecessarily snapping at my kids.

Today I am grateful I am less vulnerable to telling a lie.

Today I am grateful I am less vulnerable to people pleasing.

Today I am grateful I am less vulnerable to fear and resentment.

Today I am grateful I am less vulnerable to being arrested for a dishonest act.

Today I am grateful I am less vulnerable to acting out on my lustful thoughts.

Today I am grateful I am less vulnerable to living on the streets.

Today I am grateful I am less vulnerable to going insane.

Today I am grateful I am less vulnerable to self harm or suicide.

The last couple of years in recovery have proven I cannot take my foot off the pedal in terms of my recovery. If I do I simply become vulnerable to all of the above and I do not want any of them anymore!

Morals

Gratitude List 21/01/2019

Morals – ‘standards of behaviour; principles of right and wrong.’

I once lived very few morals. Its not like I purposely went about life without them, it was more a case of having very little awareness. Going through the ‘Who Am I?’ book educated me. It taught me about the strengths and defects of character I possess and the morals behind them.

I am not a Saint nor will I ever be, but when I practice good morals, it makes me feel good, and when I act with bad morals it makes me feel bad. It’s as simple as that. So knowing what I should be doing and what I shouldn’t hugely benefits my recovery.

Today I am grateful I am aware it’s morally right to love. Thanks to this awareness I strive to express love as much as possible and forgive as soon as I can.

Today I am grateful I am aware it’s morally wrong to gossip and talk behind someone’s back. Thanks to this awareness I strive to not partake.

Today I am grateful I am aware it’s morally right to see the good in people. Thanks to this awareness I will remind myself when I’m only seeing the bad.

Today I am grateful I am aware it’s morally wrong to act like a complete hooligan when watching football. Thanks to this awareness I strive to just enjoy the beautiful game.

Today I am grateful I am aware it’s morally right to be tolerant. Thanks to this awareness I strive to take a deep breath, remain calm and let it go.

Today I am grateful I am aware it’s morally wrong to watch pornography and look at women in a lustful way in the street. Thanks to this awareness I strive to treat women with more respect.

Today I am grateful I am aware it’s morally right to be honest. Thanks to this awareness I strive to tell the truth, be sincere and omit nothing.

Today I am grateful I am aware it’s morally wrong to blame and judge people. Thanks to this awareness I strive to remain humble and accept people for who they are.

Today I am grateful I am aware it’s morally right to show gratitude towards the things I have. Thanks to this awareness I strive to expect nothing.

My reactions

Gratitude List 20/01/2019

How I react to life determines the effect it has on me. At this very moment, things are occurring and I am reacting. My reactions are determining my current emotions.

Today I am grateful I react to things that could scare me by facing those fears, writing and sharing about them, action and prayer.

Today I am grateful I react to things that lead to projection and thinking the worse by practicing mindfulness and gratitude.

Today I am grateful I react to things that worry me by accepting the things I cannot change.

Today I am grateful I react to things that cause resentment by looking at the harm its caused me, where I was to blame and some action.

Today I am grateful I react to things that cause me pain by remaining humble and using my courage to seek help and guidance.

Today I am grateful I react to things that stress me out by taking a deep breath, staying calm and reminding myself of the serenity prayer.

Today I am grateful I react to things I want to procrastinate by just doing them and remembering how good it feels when I do and how bad it feels when I don’t.

Today I am grateful I react to things that tempt me by connecting with a power that is greater than me and doing something I know will strengthen that connection.

Today I am grateful I react to things that could lead to self pity by looking around at what I have and where I have come from.