Cyclone Farmer

Back when I thought abstinence was the key to all my troubles, this ‘cyclone’ analogy fitted me perfectly. I genuinely believed once I was clean from gambling everything would be fine. I was definitely unthinking in terms of the extent of destruction I had left behind. Thankfully, I am no longer that farmer. I now work a program involving service, unity and recovery. This action is progressively clearing the debris, repairing the damage, mending broken hearts, strengthening relationships and replanting seeds of affection which now fill my home with love and kindness.

Gratitude List 16/06/2019: Father’s Day

Gratitude List 16/06/2019

Today being today, it is quite apt to speak about how recovery has improved the relationship between my dad and I. For over two decades I resented my dad. I had dealt with that resentment by simply surpressing my feelings and emotions. The resentment never lessened, it just festered inside. Our contact was limited and for the majority, I only ever instigated contact so I could manipulate the situation and use it to my financial advantage.

Today I am grateful I admitted my life had been unmanageable including how I managed this resentment.

Today I am grateful I found some humility through gaining a belief in a power greater than myself. With this humility I was able to look at my past mistakes.

Today I am grateful that although I wasn’t directly involved in the cause, I learnt that I could’ve done better when it comes to dealing with the resentment since it was caused.

Today I am grateful I realised that when it comes to justified resentments I can still forgive. Forgiveness works.

Today I am grateful I have a greater power to which I can hand over any defects of character that stand in the way of my usefulness to my dad. This includes but is not exhausted to dishonesty, anger, hate, arrogance, intolerance, inconsideration….

Today I am grateful I can think of my dad and walk a mile in his shoes. I realised the harm I had caused him since. By doing this, it helped me become willing to make amends to him.

Today I am grateful I am able to make amends. I can let him release his feelings and emotions. I can sincerely ask for his forgiveness and genuinely ask how I can make things better.

Today I am grateful I had prayer and meditation to utilise before I met with my dad in the early days of recovery. Handing my life and will over just before meeting him really helped.

Today I am grateful I can carry the message to my dad. By being the best version of myself he may witness the power of recovery through the law of attraction.

Today I am grateful our relationship has blossomed beyond belief. It is completely different to what it was a few years ago. Contact is regular and time spent together is full of happiness and laughter. I have come to cherish each moment. Not a bad word, nor a bad thought. I have been able to truly forgive and love him – not forgetting to tell him as often as I can. In fact I remember telling him I loved him for the first time in ages. I truly meant it and still do.

Gratitude List 17/05/2019: via a swipe right

Gratitude List 17/05/2019

Four years ago today, I met via a ‘swipe right’ and some very dodgy chat up lines, my girlfriend.

Today I am grateful that she is still with me. To begin with, I gave her lots and lots of reasons for her not to be.

Today I am grateful the timing was just about right. It was meant to be.

Today I am grateful she supported me in my journey back to the rooms. She took me to the doorstep that first evening.

Today I am grateful for the amazing role model she is to my children. Their loving relationship is a true blessing.

Today I am grateful for the role model she is to me. I have learnt so much from her maturity.

Today I am grateful for how supportive she is of the effort and time I need to put into my recovery.

Today I am grateful she understands that my recovery must come first.

Today I am grateful we have become best friends.

Today I am grateful for how our relationship has grown in strength and love.

Today I am grateful for Unity, Recovery and Service. Without them I can say with a degree of certainty that either (a) our relationship would’ve ended, or (b) I would be pulling this angel through the wringer with me.

Gratitude List 22/04/2019: A Monty Python parody….

Gratitude List 22/04/2019

A Monty Python parody….

REG: …….. and what has recovery ever given us in return?!

XERXES: Better relationships?

REG: What?

XERXES: Better relationships.

REG: Oh. Yeah, yeah. It has given us that. Uh, that’s true. Yeah.

COMMANDO #3: And peace of mind.

LORETTA: Oh, yeah, peace of mind, Reg. Remember what our washing machine head used to be like?

REG: Yeah. All right. I’ll grant you the better relationships and peace of mind are two things that recovery has done.

MATTHIAS: And a better bank balance.

REG: Well, yeah. Obviously a better bank balance. I mean, a better bank balance goes without saying, doesn’t it? But apart from better relationships, peace of mind, and a better bank balance–

COMMANDO: Acceptance.

XERXES: Courage.

COMMANDOS: Huh? Heh? Huh…

COMMANDO #2: Wisdom.


REG: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.

COMMANDO #1: And hope.

COMMANDOS: Oh, yes. Yeah…

FRANCIS: Yeah. Yeah, that’s something we’d really miss, Reg, if recovery left. Huh.


LORETTA: And it’s safe to be left alone with our thoughts and sanity now, Reg.

FRANCIS: Yeah, it certainly knows what’s better for us. Let’s face it. It’s the only one that could in a place like this.

COMMANDOS: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

REG: All right, but apart from the better relationships, peace of mind, a better bank balance, acceptance, courage, wisdom, hope, unity, sanity, what has recovery ever done for us?

XERXES: Brought happiness.

REG: Oh. Happiness? Shut up!

Gratitude List 09/04/2019: Happy Birthday!

Gratitude List 09/04/2019

Today I am grateful to have my son wake up at ours on his 17th birthday.

Today I am grateful to have him in my life. Quite simply, it’s a blessing.

Today I am grateful for the time we get to spend together. Naturally I wish for even more, but I am grateful because my past could have led to much worse.

Today I am grateful for his courage. When I reflect on how brave he has been, it’s very inspiring.

Today I am grateful for how mature my son is. At times, he has shown maturity beyond his years.

Today I am grateful for the lessons I can learn from him. As well as courage he displays many strengths of character, strengths that I am striving for myself.

Today I am grateful for the brother he is to his little sister. He is very caring, loving, ‘tolererant’ and incredibly protective.

Today I am grateful for how friendly he is. He displays great humility and trust. His friends look to him for support and advice. He’s the go-to friend.

Today I am grateful for the shared interests we have. They bring a teenage son and his dad closer together.

Today I am grateful for our relationship. Its been a roller-coaster – some great times and some difficult times but all in all we are in a good place today.

Today I am grateful for this list. I can’t deny I often focus too much on what my son does wrong. It’s good to reflect on his many positives. He’s an amazing young man, one I’m very proud of.

Gratitude List 07/04/2019: Spot-check Gratitude

Gratitude List 06/04/2019

Spot-check Gratitude

06:21am Today I am grateful to be up with my girlfriend. Bright and early, making the most of our day together.

07:35am Today I am grateful to peek inside their respective rooms and see my son and daughter fast asleep and all cosy in their beds.

08:02am Today I am grateful to connect with someone I admire and look up to. A very close friend for life.

08:35am Today I am grateful to catch a coal tit feeding on camera. Another bird to our garden’s catalogue.

09:12am Today I am grateful that my daughter and her friend are having fun together dancing in the living room. Yes 9:12am! Friendship is precious.

09:17am Today I am grateful for David Attenborough and the like who bring the amazing world to our TVs. Its beautiful out there!

10:10am Today I am grateful I can hear my daughter and girlfriend talking upstairs about boys! Love listening to them, they have a great and loving relationship.

10:53am Today I am grateful I thought before I spoke.

11:39am Today I am grateful for the display of generousity, kindness and affection.

11:39am Today I am grateful for the display of gratitude and thanks that followed.