Chalk and Cheese

This is very relevant to my life at the moment so I thought I’d share my experience of Step 2 – “Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

“Came to believe…” This is exactly what happened to me. Through the humbling of Step 1 and reading the first few chapters of the Big Book, I came to believe. There was no existing belief beforehand, in fact, I almost resented the idea on the basis it was ridiculous, a sign of weakness and lack of self-will. It was comforting to know I didn’t need the belief before I embarked on the 12 Step Program.

“… in a power greater than ourselves…” The admission of my powerlessness over my illness and the the fact I had done an awful job at managing my life, gave me the necessary humility to accept and come to believe there are many things more powerful than I. For me it was that simple. The fact I am not the most powerful thing means there is an abundance of things that are. When I get on my knees and pray, this is what’s going through my mind. Simple humility.

“….could restore us to sanity.” Wait a minute! Not only do I have to believe in a power greater than myself, but I have to believe this power can influence me enough to restore sanity?? Despite my initial reservations, my experience has proved this can be quite simple. To start with, one of the main reasons I started this journey of recovery is because I wanted the apparent serenity I could see in others. If the programme, which includes a belief in a greater power, can work for them, why can’t it work for me too? Who am I to say it won’t? That was enough for me to get started. Since then, my belief has progressed and evolved into faith. How? Simply through experience. On a daily basis, when I feel connected to my greater power, I am a different person. I am calmer, I talk lower, I am at peace, I am a good listener, I appreciate the small things. When I am running on self will I am in a rush, I obsess over food, I am resentful, I am fearful, I am angry, I am selfish. Like chalk and cheese. Like black and white. It is as clear as night and day if I am running on self will or a greater power’s will. So, do I believe a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? Most definitely.

Chalk and Cheese

This is very relevant to my life at the moment so I thought I’d share my experience of Step 2 – “Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

“Came to believe…” This is exactly what happened to me. Through the humbling of Step 1 and reading the first few chapters of the Big Book, I came to believe. There was no existing belief beforehand, in fact, I almost resented the idea on the basis it was ridiculous, a sign of weakness and lack of self-will. It was comforting to know I didn’t need the belief before I embarked on the 12 Step Program.

“… in a power greater than ourselves…” The admission of my powerlessness over my illness and the the fact I had done an awful job at managing my life, gave me the necessary humility to accept and come to believe there are many things more powerful than I. For me it was that simple. The fact I am not the most powerful thing means there is an abundance of things that are. When I get on my knees and pray, this is what’s going through my mind. Simple humility.

“….could restore us to sanity.” Wait a minute! Not only do I have to believe in a power greater than myself, but I have to believe this power can influence me enough to restore sanity?? Despite my initial reservations, my experience has proved this can be quite simple. To start with, one of the main reasons I started this journey of recovery is because I wanted the apparent serenity I could see in others. If the programme, which includes a belief in a greater power, can work for them, why can’t it work for me too? Who am I to say it won’t? That was enough for me to get started. Since then, my belief has progressed and evolved into faith. How? Simply through experience. On a daily basis, when I feel connected to my greater power, I am a different person. I am calmer, I talk lower, I am at peace, I am a good listener, I appreciate the small things. When I am running on self will I am in a rush, I obsess over food, I am resentful, I am fearful, I am angry, I am selfish. Like chalk and cheese. Like black and white. It is as clear as night and day if I am running on self will or a greater power’s will. So, do I believe a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? Most definitely.

Gratitude List 30/04/2019: Not in control! Phew!

Gratitude List 30/04/2019

The majority of my day is under the control of my work and that will continue to be the case until later this afternoon. In the past, work was one of the very few things that had an element of control me. To be honest, they had less control than they thought!!

Today I am grateful I am letting work dictate what I do.

Today I am grateful that when work doesn’t have full control, it’s because I have given control over to my sponsor or a greater power as I work the steps or do the daily suggestions.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and frantically looking for ways (any way) to get my hands on some money.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and making up excuses as to why I need to leave the office.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and looking around in fear of being seen to enter a bookies.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and running to and from the ATM.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and I don’t have to wear a happy and professional face when I return, pretending everything is okay.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and sitting on the toilet (trousers up) playing online.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and freaking out when I’ve forgot to put my phone on silent.

Today I am grateful I am not in control and creating reasons why I’m still at work when I should be on my way home.

Gratitude List 10/02/2019: Waking a little low

Gratitude List 10/02/2019

Sometimes I wake up feeling a little low. Feeling like there’s something wrong. Am I in fear? Did I say something the night before, something I’m now regretting?

After a short while I reflect on my life, my day, my fears and my resentments. What I realise is there’s nothing wrong at all. My life is good, I have nothing to fear and I’m not suffering with an emotional hangover.

Maybe I awoke listening to Radio Me and all I needed to do was get on my knees and kick-start another day. Did I wake with the spiritual malady intact?

Whatever it is, I really don’t mind. Today I am grateful I am aware of who I am. I am aware that my life is good and I have a lot to be grateful for. I am aware that this is a daily program. I am aware if I don’t do the necessary suggestions then that spiritual malady can manifest throughout the day. Today I am grateful and aware of what I need to do to quickly turn my day around.