“Can we have a chat later?”

This morning I was greeted with that dreaded question…

“Can we have a chat later?”

This is never good news, is it?

Based on personal experience, no, it is not good news. What have I done wrong now? What faults are she going to bring up? What situations can I bring to the table to counter hers? These are just a few of the questions that would be spinning around my head in the meantime. That is if I allowed it to be delayed till ‘later’. Normally, I would insist that she said what she needed to say immediately. Why should I be made to wait and suffer?

Well today, I am grateful to have not reacted this way. How I’ve reacted goes to show how far recovery has taken me.

These are just a few of my thoughts…

– This is probably an opportunity for her to get things off her chest and share how she is feeling. Something I am blessed to do several times a week at meetings.

– This could be an opportunity for me to listen and learn from whatever she has to say. Another chance to progress.

– This could be an opportunity for me to practice strengths of character like tolerance, patience, consideration, love and humility.

– This could be another opportunity for me to make amends if I have caused any harm.

– This is an opportunity for me to use the ‘meantime’ to pray and meditate and prepare myself spiritually, rather than acting on impulse (self).

– This could be an opportunity for her to bear witness to my difficulties being removed and see God’s power shine through.

– This is another opportunity for me to accept the things I cannot change and have the courage to change the things I can.

– This is another opportunity for me to let go and live life on life’s terms.

There is nothing for me to fear. Furthermore, when reality plays out, there is rarely anything to fear in the first place.

In any case, wish me luck 😉

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Gratitude List 29/06/2019

Gratitude List 29/06/2019

Today I am grateful for the English weather. Sometimes cold, sometimes hot, sometimes wet, sometimes dry and highly possible to experience all four seasons in one day. But it’s rarely severe to the point lives are lost.

Today I am grateful to be up with the birds and on my way to better myself with some recovery work. An early morning spiritual gym workout!

Today I am grateful my willingness to put in diligent effort is as strong as it was when I started my spiritual journey two and a bit years ago.

Today I am grateful to be able to close my eyes wherever I am (currently on a bus) and improve my conscious contact with God through prayer and meditation.

Today I am grateful for how much God has been speaking to me (through God’s conscience – gut instinct) and for how much I have been listening to him.

Today I am grateful for recently witnessing how recovery has helped people come through some very difficult times. It’s absolutely miraculous.

Today I am grateful for who I am. For my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. My outlook upon my self has completely changed.

Today I am grateful that despite with being happy with who I am, I will not stop working. For two reasons, one I can still progress further – I am no saint, and two if I stop I will surely degress.

Today I am grateful that one thought of recovery and all of a sudden my gratitude list goes off on another spiritual tangen. I started with the weather! Can’t help it! I have so much gratitude for it.

Today I am grateful for all the poeple in my life who have helped shape me into the person I am today. Good or bad experiences, I have learnt from you all.

Gratitude List 28/06/2019

Gratitude List 28/06/2019

Addiction demanded so much of me. It demanded my time, my money, my thoughts, my sanity, my happiness. It demanded dishonesty, selfishness, fear and resentment. It demanded me to break relationships, lose trust and isolate. It demands I get nothing in return. Nothing.

Recovery made no such demands of me, in fact it made suggestions.

Today I am grateful recovery suggests I attend meetings regularly.

Today I am grateful recovery suggests I share how I am feeling.

Today I am grateful recovery suggests I do service at the meetings.

Today I am grateful recovery suggests I work through the 12 steps.

Today I am grateful recovery suggests I do so with a sponsor.

Today I am grateful recovery suggests I carry the message to another.

Today I am grateful recovery suggests I am honest, open-minded and willing.

Today I am grateful recovery suggests I believe in a power greater than myself.

Today I am grateful recovery suggests I am loving, caring and forgiving.

Today I am grateful recovery suggests I complete a simple set of suggestions.

In comparison, these suggestions are far less taxing than the demands gambling made. Truthfully, they’re not taxing at all. They aren’t chores. They are blessed opportunities. Unlike addiction, I get an abundance in return – I get serenity, happiness, hope, humility, trust, maturity, faith, self-esteem, emotional security, purpose, tolerance, love, etc etc etc.

If only these suggestions were demands 😉

👍🏻💪🏻❤😊🙏🏻

Gratitude List 27/06/2019

Gratitude List 27/06/2019

Today I am grateful I took my car in for it’s MOT before it expired!! Woop woop! Responsible me! Haha!

Today I am grateful that not a lot of work needed to be done. I don’t know how. I should really make amends to my car, I’ve caused a lot of harm through neglect over the years.

Today I am grateful I agreed to get the brake pads replaced even if it would have passed the MOT anyway. No way I would’ve done this in the past, I would’ve run the risk!

Today I am grateful for the school run this morning with my daughter. Always has been one of my favourite parts of my day. Saying goodbye always tugs at the heart strings.

Today I am grateful my son is comfortable in our new home. He was more than happy to stay in bed, have a lie in and then make his way home a bit later.

Today I am grateful for the lovely evening we had last night. After dinner we went outside in the garden and just talked. No TV, no phones, just interaction.

Today I am grateful to reach day 4 in my food related abstinence. The obsession is not there at the moment and when it is, I am able to surrender to God’s will.

Today I am grateful for the day ahead of me. If all goes to plan, I’ll finish work mid afternoon and follow it up with several hours of service, recovery and unity.

Today I am grateful for this opportunity. For this void in my day to do this suggestion. I’m grateful I haven’t filled it with something not so positive.

Today I am grateful for the smile on my face, the serenity in my mind and the bounce in my step. It really does work if I work it.

Gratitude List 25/06/2019

Gratitude List 25/06/2019

Today I am grateful to hear the sound of the rain hitting the window. It’s very tranquil.

Today I am grateful to be surrounded by life. So much of what is around me is alive like I am.

Today I am grateful I feel a part of the life around me. I can connect to it and tap in to its power.

Today I am grateful for how my outlook upon has changed, is continuing to change.

Today I am grateful I can learn from my past, make the most of the present and have hope for the future.

Today I am grateful that my conscious contact with God as I understand Him is improving. Something magical is happening.

Today I am grateful I am surrendering to His will. This thought process has made it easier to do the right thing.

Today I am grateful for the plans I have made for today. Thinking of others is my motto.

Today I am grateful my daughter has been given her first phone – she’s better at answering it than my son, that’s for sure.

Today I am grateful for how at peace I feel.

The rain can add to the beauty.

An audio clip of the sounds I can here right now.

Gratitude List 22/06/2019

Gratitude List 22/06/2019

Right now, I am exhausted and as a result I am super irritable. Time for some simple gratitude.

Today I am grateful I am not gambling.

Today I am grateful I have nothing to worry about.

Today I am grateful I am not in a rush.

Today I am grateful for the clothes on my back.

Today I am grateful for the food in the fridge.

Today I am grateful for my health.

Today I am grateful for the opportunities I have.

Today I am grateful for the beautiful weather this morning.

Today I am grateful I have plenty to be grateful for.

Today I am grateful I have some answers.

Today I am grateful I am alive, I have my freedom and I have my sanity.

Today I am grateful for each breath.

And hey presto! I feel much better! These gratitude lists, as well as other recovery tools I have gathered along the way, have the ability to change the direction of my day. All I need to do is surrender to God’s will when He plants a thought of action in my head, instead of of surrendering to my own self-will telling me not to bother.

Gratitude List 21/06/2019: Open-mindedness

Gratitude List 21/06/2019

Open-mindedness

Today I am grateful I once Googled what open-mindedness meant and quickly realised I was anything but.

Today I am grateful for all the ways I have been able to practice open-mindedness since.

Today I am grateful I can practice by allowing others to express their views.

Today I am grateful I can practice by tolerating and accepting the views and knowledge of others.

Today I am grateful I can practice by being receptive to new ideas.

Today I am grateful I can practice by recognising the values of another, even if it goes against my own.

Today I am grateful I can practice by putting aside my own self-will in order to fairly and impartially listen to another.

Today I am grateful I can practice by simply doing what someone else suggests, especially when I don’t want to.

Today I am grateful I can practice by remembering that my old closed-mindedness never did me any good.

Today I am grateful I can remember ‘Who Am I to say otherwise?’