Gratitude List 22/02/2019: Greater Powers

Gratitude List 22/02/2019

I hope this makes sense…. There’s a point in there somewhere…

Came to believe in power greater than myself. The second step in the program and one I used to stumble on.

Step one was far easier – admitting I was powerless over my addiction and that my life had become unmanageable. But by completing step one, hadn’t I already acknowledged a power greater than myself – my addiction? I’m not suggesting that anyone should hand their lives over to their compulsions, that’s what got me into trouble in the first place. But what of the polar opposite – recovery? In my own experience recovery has overpowered my addiction, it is stronger. Therefore the concept of ‘recovery’ can definitely be one of my greater powers. Recovery is a God of my own understanding. Like my addiction, recovery has given me experiences I never thought possible, so making a decision to turn my will over to the concept of ‘recovery’ is an easy choice and one I have faith in.

My addiction is but one of the many things I can struggle with. My life was unmanageable because of them. Each of them can overpower me if my spiritual connection is low. But today I am grateful for the fact that every negative has an opposite which is positive and even more powerful. I am therefore, surrounded by things that are more powerful than me.

Where there’s addiction there is recovery.

Where there is insanity there is sanity.

Where there is fear there is serenity.

Where there is isolation there is unity.

Where there is self there is selfless.

Where there is dishonesty there is sincerity.

Where there is arrogance there is humility.

Where there’s hate there is love.

Where there is a rock bottom there is hope.

Where there is death there is life.

I would happily get down on my knees and pray to any of them. And do it with a faith that help will come.

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Gratitude List 21/02/2019: Another new chapter

Gratitude List 21/02/2019

Bearing in mind moving is traditionally known as a stressful time, the last couple of days have been a breeze. It’s been very busy but other than that, it’s gone as well as it could have done.

Today I am grateful for the preparation that went into the move. I’ve never been so prepared for anything. My girlfriend and recovery have been my guiding forces.

Today I am grateful for the relationship I have with my girlfriend. I don’t think we’ve argued or disagreed once during the move. Seems like a miracle to me!

Today I am grateful for how everyone pulled together. We had help from my son, brother and my dad. We’re very lucky to have their support.

Today I am grateful the boxes are being unpacked. The place is starting to take shape and already feels like home.

Today I am grateful for having a garden. The coinciding sunshine has meant a few cups of tea have already been enjoyed outside in the fresh air.

Today I am grateful I was able to reassemble the IKEA Pax wardrobe with only a few f-bombs. Another miracle!!

Today I am grateful thing have begun to slow down, allowing me to venture in town to a meeting. Time for some fellowship and unity.

Gratitude List 20/02/2019: A blessed time

Gratitude List 20/02/2019

An end of an era at our home as we move to pastures new. 90% of our time here has coincided with my two years in recovery so there are many fond memories.

Today I am grateful for the introduction of gratitude at dinner where all four of us say three things we’re grateful for.

Today I am grateful for all the gathering we’ve had with friends and family. Filling the home with unity and togetherness

Today I am grateful for all the happy celebrations – birthdays, Christmases, New Years, Easters…

Today I am grateful for all the lessons I have learnt.

Today I am grateful for all the jokes and pranks shared between us. My son putting salt in my tea was one I remember well!

Today I am grateful for the growth of the relationship between my girlfriend and my children. A lovely little family.

Today I am grateful for the hope this time has given me for our new home.

Gratitude List 19/02/2019: Awareness

Gratitude List 19/02/2019

This gratitude list refers to my awareness of a particular struggle I’m going through. At this point, I have an awareness and a desire, but no power. Its about time I held my hands up and admitted defeat again. This powerlessness refers to food, and some (including me) may think ‘oh well, it’s not that bad.’ But there are so many similarities between this and my primary addiction and the concerning fact is the similarities are increasing. I need to be honest with myself and get this down in writing.

Today I am grateful I have a growing awareness of the certain’ trigger’ foods I need to abstain from.

Today I am grateful I have an awareness that despite my growing knowledge of certain trigger foods, I am powerlessness over that first purchase/pick up/bite.

Today I am grateful I have an awareness of my powerlessness over the phenomenon of craving. Once I start I cannot stop.

Today I am grateful I am aware I have crossed that invisible line into compulsive eating. I am now, not a normal eater.

Today I am grateful I have a growing awareness of the insanity around my thinking when it comes to my eating.

Today I am grateful I am aware that my compulsive eating is becoming more secretive. As soon as there’s an opportunity to be alone, my mind starts to get excited about what I can eat. I’ve felt this before!

Today I am grateful I have an awareness that being secretive means I’m being dishonest. Not just on a food front but I’m spending money I shouldn’t too.

Today I am grateful I have an awareness of the lack of fight and will power when it comes to eating.

Today I am grateful I am aware of that feeling of inevitability. Accepting I’ve already done the deed before I have. Truly baffling.

Today I am grateful I have an awareness of what I need to do (recovery, unity and service) and what I need to less of (trying to deal with it by myself).

Today I am grateful this awareness and self-honesty has given me some power. Going to Greggs on my way to work seemed inevitable earlier but I’ve managed to walk past with some fight to spare.

Gratitude List 18/02/2019: Freedom

Gratitude List 18/02/2019

Freedom:

1. the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants.

2. the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.

I can relate to both of these. With regards to how much freedom I have now and how I suffered from not having it in the past.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to choose whether I feed my addiction or not. The insanity of my addiction meant this wasn’t always the case.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to leave a premises. Crazy I know, but there were many times when I simply didn’t have the power to walk out of a door. Imprisoned by my illness.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to act in ways that are good for me. I can enhance my spirituality through simple suggestions. I used to make the simplest suggestion as difficult and complicated so I could justify to myself I didn’t need to do it.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to be honest. My life used to be a lie. It was continuous. Telling the truth meant I’d have to stop…. and I couldn’t.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to think morally. Once riddled with defects, my thinking was stinky.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to think less. Through prayer and meditation I am able to hand my thinking over to a power greater than me. Before, I ruled the universe and my washing machine head could think for me and everyone else too.

Today I am grateful I have the freedom to plan my day. I am no longer a slave to my addiction. I was absolutely powerless over its progressive terms. I had to feed it all day, everyday. If I wasn’t acting out I had to think about it. I even had to dream about it.

Today I am grateful that my freedom was only restricted by my addiction and not anything else.

Gratitude List 17/02/2019: Not going to miss it!

Gratitude List 17/02/2019

A busy day today, hense the lateness of my gratitude list.

Today I am grateful I will not miss a day of expressing gratitude. Doing these lists have meant so much to me and my recovery.

Today I am grateful for this 10 minutes while the dinner is cooking. If I don’t do my list now, I probably won’t get another chance.

Today I am grateful I am not using these 10 minutes to flick through Facebook or Twitter!!

Today I am grateful I enjoy doing these lists. They are non-negotiable but that’s not why I do them.

Today I am grateful for the gratitude lists I have been sent today. Each of them very inspiring and serene to read.

Today I am grateful that this list is already broadening my smile. After this, its dinner and cuddles with my daughter…. And my son if he allows it!

Gratitude List 16/02/2019: Serenity, More or Less

Gratitude List 16/02/2019

Serenity: the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

Today I am grateful I am more calm when challenged with resentment.

Today I am grateful I am more calm when faced with a fear.

Today I am grateful I am more calm when under pressure.

Today I am grateful my heart is more calm.

Today I am grateful my mind is more peaceful.

Today I am grateful my lifestyle is more peaceful.

Today I am grateful my words, actions and behaviours are more peaceful.

Today I am grateful my nature is more peaceful.

Today I am grateful my days are less troubled.

Today I am grateful the people around me are less troubled.

Today I am grateful the path I am leaving behind is less troubled.

Today I am grateful my eyes are less troubled.

A beautiful way to feel. No wonder I continuously pray for serenity. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.